


Skyscraper

by mysticalforces



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2018-12-20 09:18:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11917827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysticalforces/pseuds/mysticalforces
Summary: AU: Barry came to town looking for his brother's killer. What will happen when the killer is the girl he falls in love with? {Heavily West Allen focused but some supporting Karmel}





	1. Three Years

**Author's Note:**

> I have absolutely not abandoned "Look After You", this idea came to me and I felt like getting it out there. I hope you guys like this and I hope it goes over just as well as my current story. Reviews and thoughts are welcome!

Chapter 1

 

*New York*  
*A Club, K&I*

 

"God, this is gonna be a long week, I can tell." Iris West moaned as she stepped behind the bar.

"Why do you say that?" Kara asked.

Kara was Iris's best friend. They were also roommates.

"Because," Iris looked around, to see if anyone was looking at them. "I had a dream."

"Really?" Kara's eyes gleamed. "Do tell."

Iris smacked her arm.

"Not _that_ kind of dream, Kara." Iris rolled her eyes at her friend. "Does your mind _always_ have to be in the gutter?"

"Sorry." Kara laughed. "So, what was this dream about?"

"What it's always about." Iris's smile vanished, and it was replaced with a tormented look. "I had another dream about him chasing me through the woods."

Kara's eyes immediately softened.

"God, Iris...I'm sorry. I thought things were getting better." Kara said softly.

"So did I." Iris admitted. "It's been three years. _Three_ years, Kara. Then, last night before I went to bed, I heard on the news that a body had been recovered."

Kara gasped. "You don't mean that..."

"I'm afraid so, Kara. I think that it's only a matter of time before everyone finds out what happened." Iris admitted fearfully.

Iris knew this day would eventually come, she just wished it wasn't coming now, when she was finally getting her life back on track, only to have it all ripped away by a dark prison-cell.

It'd be like rewinding to five years ago. She'd spent five years in prison, then she'd been strong enough to free herself, and now that was gonna get her thrown in real prison.

"Sweetie, it wasn't your fault." Kara shook her head, the anger she'd felt for the bastard who had hurt her friend so deeply coming to the surface. "The freak had it coming!"

"Doesn't excuse what I did, Kara." Iris shook her head, guilt once again coming back on her. "Two wrongs don't make a right."

"Iris, don't. Don't start feeling guilty again." Kara scolded. "Remember all the crap he put you through?"

Iris nodded.

Iris did remember. She remembered all too well.

  
_"You don't ever disrespect me again, you stupid Bitch!"_

_She received a harsh blow and fell hard onto the floor._

_"You know that this all your fault. You make me this way!" He screamed manically getting closer and closer to her already bruised face.._

 

"Yeah," Iris sighed, she felt the tears glisten in her eyes at the horrible memories. "yeah, I remember."

***

*New York*  
*A Street Corner*

"Hey! A moment of your time, please." Agent Barry Allen stopped a guy on the street corner.

"What can I do for you?" The guy asked politely.

"I'm looking for some information." Barry said business-like, but with a friendly smile.

"What for?" The guy asked curiously.

"I'm special FBI Agent Barry Allen and I'm looking for..." But Barry never got out the rest of his sentence, because the minute 'Allen' came out, they other guy freaked out.

The guy suddenly got a fearful look in his eyes.

"Um, Dude, here!" He threw his wallet at him. "Take it all!"

The guy ran off.

"Hey, hey! Wait a second! Did you not hear I'm with the FBI?!" Barry yelled baffled. "It's not a negotiation!"

Barry shook his head.

What was with these people?

You don't just run away from an FBI Agent. They're required to talk to him by law, but this guy was the third person that didn't take that into consideration. The only thing he could think was that they all knew his brother. His must've scared them on some sort of occasion. Although, as far as he knew, his brother had been using Rory instead of Allen. So, none of this really made any sense to him.

Another civilian, a young male in mid twenties was walking by him, and Barry decided to try again.

"Excuse me?" Barry tapped the guy on the shoulder.

"Yeah?" The guy turned around.

"Oh my God!" Barry was shocked, then his face broke out into a smile. "Mon-El, it's been a long time."

"What's up, Barry?" Mon-El grinned back.

The two guys hugged.

"How've you been, man?" Mon-El asked. "Haven't seen you around in forever."

"I've been better, man." Barry answered honestly. "Police work is hectic."

"I never figured you for a police officer. I always thought you'd go into a lab or something" Mon-El said with a smile. "I'm glad you're doing something good with your life though."

"It's the best thing I've ever done with my life, Mon-El." Barry replied with a smile. "So, how's your music going?"

"It's in a rut." Mon-El answered with a frown. "I'm kinda stuck at the moment. So, what is going on, man?"

"I was kinda hoping _you_ could answer that for me." Barry said. "Every time I mention my last name, people go running in the other direction like I'm about to drag them off to their own execution."

Mon-El laughed. "Yeah, well your brother wasn't exactly on everybody's Christmas list, if you know what I mean." Mon El's eyes frowned as he got more serious. "You probably don't wanna hear this, but your brother hurt a lot of people."

"I figured as much." Barry said regretfully. "After our sister died, he just went down-hill. Much like my music career."

"I'm sorry about that, man." Mon-El said sympathetically. "I'm sorry about your sister and about your music. Maybe things would've turned out better for you, if I'd stayed, but I just..."

"You just had to see what else was out there for you." Barry finished for him. "I get that man. Don't ever be sorry for living your life. I knew the band had to end sometime. If it hadn't, I never would've found this job and I love it, Mon-El."

"I'm glad, Barry." Mon-El replied with a smile. "I'm glad you've found your calling."

Barry nodded again. "I heard that my brother's body has been recovered and that he's dead. Not that big of a shock to me, I mean the way he treats people and makes enemies, I assumed that sooner or later, he'd cross the wrong person." He explained. "I'm here because I wanna know who killed my brother. I _need_ to know. So, can you tell me where he hung out at?" He asked. "Maybe make my job a little easier?"

"Yeah, sure no problem, man." Mon-El agreed. "It's a Club called K&I." At Barry's raised eyebrow, he elaborated. "I know it's a funky name, but it's an awesome club. He went there alot because my girlfriend's best friend works there."

This was turning out much better than his other leads had for the past five months. "What's her friend's name?" Barry asked.

"Iris West, but I assure you, she didn't kill your brother." Mon-El assured him. "I've known the girl for five years. She may be able to pack punch like a tiger, but she's no killer."

Mon-El's assurances really didn't help Barry any. He'd decide whether or not this Iris girl killed his brother, after he'd successfully interrogated her.

"So, what was the relationship between Ms. West and my brother?" Barry asked in a business-like way.

"Well, they were dating for a long while. In the beginning, he made her very happy, and things went bad in the end." Mon-El said, not wanting to invade Iris's privacy by going any deeper. "So, Mick never came home at all? Not even to introduce his girlfriend to you?" Mon-El found that really weird.

Barry shook his head in the negative. "No, my brother liked to keep to himself. He pulled away from me and the whole family after..." Barry trailed off, not wanting to rehash the whole death of his sister. "Well, you know what happened. Life dealt our family a shitty hand and my brother couldn't deal, so he turned to a bad life-style and shut us out."

"It's terrible that he didn't even come home at all. I couldn't imagine shutting my whole family out like that." Mon-El said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, but that's life. You either roll with it or you do what Mick did and you don't." Barry replied. "So, how bad are we talking?"

"Look, I can't tell you, man." Mon-El said with regret. "I'd be betraying a friend's confidence. Not everyone knows about what went down between her and Mick. It was pretty fucked up. I doubt she wants that story going around for people to know about."

Barry sighed. The part of him that was friends with Mon-El respected that he wanted to protect Iris but the cop part of him and the part of him that wanted answers about his brother was frustrated.

"I understand you wanna protect your friend, but I need you to be straight with me. I have to know everything. If your friend didn't kill my brother, than someone else did. And that same someone else could go after her." Barry stated worriedly.

"Alright, but remember you asked to hear this." Mon-El warned. It wasn't just Iris he wanted to protect, he knew it'd disappoint Barry to find out what a monster his brother became.

"Please, just tell me. Its ok." Barry encouraged.

"Mick used to beat Iris up pretty bad." Mon-El said after a few minutes.

Barry's eyes filled with shock, and there was also pain. 

How had his brother changed so much? To stoop to hurting a woman? If his brother weren't already dead, Barry would've probably beat some sense into him. He just had no tolerance for abusers, brother or not. That's why he got into the police field after his music career failed to begin with. He wanted to put a stop to all the violence in the world.

"They had what you would call a toxic relationship. He'd call her awful names and beat her up and she'd leave. She'd go to my girlfriend, Kara's. And he'd always come back around, apologizing. Saying he didn't mean it and that he loved her." Mon-El continued, bitterness in his tone.

Truthfully, Mon-El hated Mick. He was glad he was dead. The sick bastard did nothing but make Iris's life a living hell when he was alive. And what he almost did to Kara, the woman he loved more than life itself...That alone was enough to make Mon-El want him dead.

"And she went back to him?" Barry assumed. What he was hearing was the classic domestic abuse case.

"Yeah," Mon-El said softly. "She always went back."

"Well, thank you, Mon-El. I hope I can finally figure this whole thing out." Barry replied.

"You're welcome." Mon-El said. "I hope I haven't made a mistake in telling you this. And please go easy on Iris, alright? You have no idea what she's been through."

"No, you did the right thing, man. I'll find out who killed my brother." Barry promised.

_Yeah, that's what worries me_ , Mon-El thought with fear.

"And I'll be gentle with your friend." Barry assured. "I'm the good guy, remember?" He laughed.

Mon-El just smiled. "Don't be a stranger, man. We should hang out sometime."

"We will." Barry called back out to him.

With that, Barry took off for K&I.

***

Barry walked into 'K&I' with a mission in mind. To find Iris West and find out everything that went down. He knew to do that he'd have to go undercover, become her friend, her confidant.

Barry walks over to the bar and sits down.

"Hey, can I get a scotch and soda?" Barry asked politely.

"Sure." Iris replied, then did a double take as she looked at him. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

For a moment, Barry thought she might've recognized him from his earlier band days, but that thought faded, when she gave him a look that was almost with fear. No one who knew from his ‘New Moon Rising’ days had ever feared him.

"I doubt it." Barry replied. "I just came to town and if I knew you, I doubt I'd like forget a face like yours." He gave her his charming smile. That wasn't an act. The girl was beautiful. There's no way if he'd ever seen her before he would've not remembered her.

Iris just looked at him for a second. She felt this rush of fear. It was completely irrational on her part. She knew what was going on in her head was crazy. This stranger was not Mick and yet when she looked at him, that's all she saw. All she felt.

"Hey, are you okay?" Barry asked her, a hint of concern in his voice.

He couldn't really explain it, but he felt something for this girl, he couldn't really explain or rationalize.

_You'd better rationalize it quick!_ A voice in his head yelled. _You can't be developing feelings for a girl you don't even know, and who could've killed your brother._

"Huh?" Iris asked absentmindedly.

"You're looking at me like I killed your dog or something." Barry said with a laugh. "And you're putting vodka and whiskey in that glass. when I ordered a scotch and soda."

"Oh!" Iris gave a nervous laugh and felt completely stupid. "I'm so sorry! This is gonna sound insane, but you look like someone I used to know. It kinda freaked me out!"

"Oh, well it's okay. I've met at alot of different people and thought they reminded me of somebody." Barry told her, his voice calm and he hoped soothing.

Iris dumped the drink out and made a scotch and soda for him.

"Again, I'm so sorry." Iris apologized, placing his drink in front of him.

"Hey, no worries." Barry waved his hand in dismissal. "It could happen to anyone."

A few seconds passed by with silence.

"So, you work here long?" Barry asked. He had to make conversation somehow.

"Pretty much my whole life." Iris said, then laughed. "Well, my whole working life anyway." She lied.

Iris had a couple of other jobs earlier on before she and Kara had ever opened this club, but this stranger didn't need to know that.

"So, I'm new in town." Barry said. "I was wondering if you could tell me what you know about Mick Rory or a Mick Allen."

Iris's face paled.


	2. I'm sorry I upset you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry asks Iris questions about Mick.  
> Barry learns more about Iris and Mick.

Chapter 2

 

 

"I was wondering if you could tell me what you know about Mick Rory or a Mick Allen."

Again, that name that had been on her mind all day. It had given her nightmares.

Iris's face went white as a sheet.

Barry knew right then and there that his instincts about this girl had been right. She had a part in what happened to his brother or at the very least she knew something.

"Mick, was it? Rory…Allen?" Iris asked nervously. "Hey, I'm just a bartender. I don't know who you're talking about." She quickly looked down to avoid meeting his eyes and that right there told Barry everything.

"Sorry, my mistake." Barry backed off. He knew when to quit. "So, what's your name?"

"That's really none of your business." Iris told him, her tone like ice. "Now, if this drink is all you'll be having, I really do have other customers to attend to."

None of the friendliness that he'd seen just seconds before was there anymore.

Barry could have kicked himself. He'd completely screwed this up. He'd come on way too fast and too strong, he probably scared her.

Iris was making her way to leave, and Barry quickly but gently grabbed her hand. "Hey, I'm sorry." Barry apologized.

Iris's eyes softened but she pulled her hand away. Barry couldn't quite explain the loss he felt at her pulling away.

"Let's start over. I'm Barry Al...Alvin." He recovered.

_Stupid move_ , he scolded himself. He couldn't let her know he was in any relation to Mick. "And I'm with the FBI."

"You're a federal agent?" Iris questioned with a quiver.

Oh, God. It was happening. The FBI was involved with Mick's murder. That was huge. She may be able to avoid his questions now, but he'd eventually put two and two together. What was she gonna do? Tell him the truth now, or wait for him to expose her?

"Yeah," Barry said with a smile. "Agent Barry Alvin at your service."

Iris got even more nervous than before. She felt a panic attack coming on.

"Um, excuse me a moment." She pulled a bottle of pills out of her purse.

"Are you sick?" Barry asked her truly concerned. That was a huge bottle of pills and he glimpsed a look into her bag and saw there were more bottles from where that one came from.

"No, I'm an addict and I take pills for the fun of it in front of complete strangers." Iris said sarcastically.

Barry glared at her. _Great, another wise ass_. "Look, I'd appreciate it if you'd cut the attitude, Iris. I'm just trying to do my job." He stated annoyed. "It's nothing personal."

The last thing Barry needed was some smart-ass. He just wanted to get to the truth and put his brother to rest. Then, try to get on with his life.

Iris looked at him in alarm.

"How'd you know my name?" She demanded.

"It's on your name tag, sweetheart." Barry told her in annoyance. People were way too damn paranoid these days.

Iris smiled sheepishly. She was already getting way to paranoid. It was just something about this guy. He made her feel almost the way Mick used to...before he became violent.

She took the pills, then turned her attention back to him.

"So, you're a Federal Agent." Iris said again.

"Yeah, I am." Barry nodded.

At least he hadn't completely lied. He really was an FBI Agent.

"I'm here investigating the murder of Mick West. Or in your case, Mick Rory."

"Hey, like I said, I'm just a bartender. I don't know who you're talking about." Iris said, hoping she sounded convincing. She was avoiding his eyes at all cost.

"Iris, you really shouldn't lie to me. See, it hurts my feelings and it insults my intelligence." Barry stated annoyed. He could always tell when someone was lying to him, it was like a gift and he'd been doing this for just way too long.

To hell with befriending her, she was already stone-walling him. He just wanted some answers and if he had to interrogate her into next week, he was damn well gonna get them.

"I'm _not_ lying!" Iris shouted.

Her face was inches from Barry's. He had to resist the urge to just grab her and kiss her. He shook his head mentally. He had to focus on the job at hand. He'd figure out what he felt for her personally later on.

"It was a simple assessment, Iris." Barry said calmly. "What are you getting all defensive for?"

"What the hell are you trying to say, Agent Alvin?" Iris threw back. "Are you accusing me of something?"

"Look, I talked to a guy named Mon-El. He told me some stuff. So, I know for a fact you used to date my br-victim." Barry recovered.

"Your victim?" Iris Barry a strange look. "Geez, I didn't know you agents had such a close, personal relationship with the dead." She said sarcastically.

Barry sighed.

This was not working. He was sabotaging himself. At the rate he was going, this girl wouldn't share with him what her daily meals were, let alone what her part in his brother's murder was.

"I don't have a personal relationship with the dead, okay?." Barry sighed. "Look, lets just stop dancing around here, okay? I talked to your friend, Mon-El. I know that you had a relationship with Mick Rory. Now, I wanna know the rest." He folded his hands infront of him and tried to come off less hostile. "No more games, just talk to me." He gently suggested.

Iris knew there was no point in denying she knew who Mick was any longer. This agent had obviously done his homework.

"Look," Iris sighed. "I'm sorry I lied, okay? Yes, I knew Mick. He used to be a big part of my life, but that ended a long time ago. In fact, it ended the minute I found out who he really was. I haven't seen him in a long, long time, Agent Alvin. So, you'll just have to get your information else where. I have nothing else I can say to you."

That was a half truth and she honestly just wasn't sure she could trust this guy. He was obviously one of the lead investigators in this murder. What could she possibly hope from him if she told him the truth? No, she knew this was gonna eventually end one way...with her behind bars. She just wasn't ready to face that yet.

Barry could tell that she was being honest to a technical extent. But that couldn't be everything. If Mick was the monster that Mon-El made him out to be, there had to be more.

"What?!" Iris shouted, annoyed.

"I'm sorry." Barry chuckled. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"No." Iris replied tersely. "You're just pissing me off."

"Yeah, well right back at you." Barry sneered.

"What the hell do you _want_ from me?! I told you I had a relationship with Mick. It's true. We dated for awhile, but it didn't work out. What are you gonna do? Arrest _every_ girl who dated him? Cause if so, you'll be locking up alot of girls!" Iris exploded. "And I'm not even counting the ones he just decided to fuck."

Barry sat back in his bar stool, a small laugh fighting it's way through his mouth. This girl had fire, he admired that.

"Just calm down, sweetheart. I'm not here to arrest you. I'm here to arrest whoever killed Mick. I came here in hopes that you might be able to help me." Barry replied.

At first he thought that this woman killed his brother, but now he wasn't so sure. She seemed terrified. He was now beginning to think that she knew who did, but was scared to tell.

"I don't know who killed Mick alright?" Iris grounded out. "Now, I would really appreciate it if you would leave!"

Barry realized he wasn't gonna get anything else out of her, so he relented.

"Alright, I'll go." Barry stood up, leaving a twenty on the counter. "I'm sorry I upset you." He offered.

Iris just scoffed at him. Was this guy for real? "You're sorry you upset me?!"

"Yes." Barry replied calmly, genuinely. "I really am, Iris. It wasn't my intention."

It had been his intention at first to interrogate the crap out of her but now that it has all been done...he genuinely felt bad. He saw the pain in her eyes, he also saw the way she tried to cover it. He wasn't about tearing others down.

"What the hell did you expect from me?" Iris demanded. "You want the 411, Agent Alvin?! Here, goes! Mick Rory…Allen what the fuck ever his real name was, was the _worst_ thing that ever happened to me. And that is not an understatement! The things he did to me..." She broke off, not able to continue. "Well, I hope to God no one ever has to go through that."

Barry looked down ashamed.

Why was he acting like his brother was the innocent one? For all he knew his brother could've gotten exactly what he deserved, but he didn't know enough to come to that conclusion yet. What he did know, what he felt was that this was no act Iris West was putting on. He knew abused people when he saw them. You can never fake that kind of look, and even with all the fire she had in her, he could still see it. He saw in her, what he saw in himself when he was just a child.

Iris continued on. "You say you talked to Mon-El. I'm sure he offered up a few words of what a monster that man was. I don't like talking about him. I don't like _thinking_ about him. You've managed to make me do both. All in a matter of fifteen minutes."

Barry looked down once again, feeling bad.

"I'm sorry." He offered sincerely. "I really was just doing my job. I'll see you around, Iris." Michael gave her a small sad smile and left.

Iris stared after him, wiping the bar down.

She didn't know how much longer she could live with this burden.

***

*New York*  
Iris and Kara's Penthouse

"Hey!" Kara greeted from her spot on the couch as her friend entered their house.

"Hey," Iris responded dejectedly. She put her things down and slumped into the chair to the right of the couch.

"What's wrong?" Kara asked concerned. "Did something happen?"

"Just that my life is going up in flames and I don't have a clue how to make it stop." Iris replied, tears stinging her eyes.

Kara frowned. She got up from the couch and kneeled in front of Iris. "Hey," She said softly. She gently touched her knee. "What is it?"

Iris blinked back tears. "Kara," Her voice broke. "I met a detective today. He came in asking me all these questions about Mick…I don't know how but…he knows!" She covered her face as sobs wracked her small form.

Kara reached up and gently took her hand away from her face and held it in hers. "What do you mean, he knows? That's impossible, remember? It…its _impossible_! He's probably just trying to scare you into confessing so that he can put a stupid case about some stupid bastard that no one even gives a damn about anymore to rest."

"But it's the truth, Kara! _I_ killed him!" Iris sobbed. "I may not have hid the body and made this lousy mess,” Kara looked down in guilt. “but I am the reason that he is no longer breathing. _I_ did that!"

Kara sighed. "Listen, its gonna be ok alright? There isn't any proof and as long as you…" She took a breath and chose her words carefully. Her best friend was on edge lately and the last thing she wanted to do was insult her unknowingly. "As long as you don't _say_ anything than this is gonna go away."

"Kara," Iris sighed. Kara was her best friend and she loved her dearly but she needed her to wake up and join her in the real world. There was no way this was going to go away. “I think you and I both know that’s not gonna happen.”

"No, it will!" Kara insisted. "I mean, come on! There are like a trillion people who wanted Mick dead, right?"

"But I'm the only one who _made_ him dead, Kara." Iris replied, wiping her face.

Kara sat back, not knowing how to respond to that. It was the truth. Iris had killed him but in her book all the reasons were justifiable. But her best friend was just so sweet and good that she would never see it that way.

"It'll be ok," Kara repeated softly.

Iris just shook her head. She didn't know what she believed anymore.

***

Barry had finished doing his rounds of the city and decided to come back to 'K&I'.

The truth was, he felt really bad about how things had gone down with Iris. He wanted to apologize to her and he also wanted to tell her the truth.

All this lying and manipulation…it wasn't who he was. He couldn't let himself become his brother, not any part of him even if it was to solve a case.

He walked into the club and was disappointed to see that the girl behind the bar was not Iris, it was someone else.

He sighed about to walk out when he happened to notice a familiar face.

"Hey," Barry greeted.

Mon-El turned around and smiled. "Oh, hey Barry! Have a seat."

Barry took a seat at the table with his friend.

"So, you come in here looking for Iris?" Mon-El assumed.

"Yes," Barry admitted. "but I actually talked to her earlier."

"Oh?" Mon-El was surprised. "You forget to ask her something?"

"No," Barry sighed. "I um…I know you told me to go easy on her Mon-El but…"

Mon-El frowned. "But you didn't. Barry, she has had a really hard time of it. I understand that there's Cop Barry and…well Barry, but, c'mon man. Can't you try to be both every once and awhile? I warned you to go easy on her."

"Mon-El, I know you won't understand this but as a cop it is my job to interrogate anyone who could have information pertaining to a case that I am investigating." Barry explained with a sigh. "And this whole interrogation…it doesn't come with a box of chocolates, alright? Its real, it can be harsh and can even hurt."

"I get that, Barry." Mon-El rubbed a hand over his face. "I really do, but I need you to understand that Iris is my friend, ok? I've been with her best friend, Kara for the past three years. Iris is like a sister to me. She's been through hell and friend or not, cop or not, I'm not gonna let you hurt her. Its not gonna happen, Barry."

Barry sat back stunned and felt an unfamiliar wave of jealousy pass through him. "I didn't realize this girl meant so much to you."

Mon-El scoffed. "You can take off the detective binocular shit right now, Barry. There's nothing for you to find. I _love_ Kara, and Iris happens to come with her and yes I have grown to care about her. She's the surrogate sister I've never had. But that's where it ends."

Barry nodded, he could tell that his friend was telling the truth. About his relationship with both girls that is. He was still undecided on where to place Iris with his brother's murder.

"Mon-El, I'm not here to hurt your friend alright?" Barry assured him. "I…" He paused not sure how to say it.

Mon-El's eyes turned serious. "What is it, Bear?"

"I just met Iris today but…" Barry breathed. "There is a part…I'm not sure how big or how strong this part is, but there is a part of me that wants answers not just for my brother but so that I can help her."

Now Mon-El was stunned. "You mean that, don't you?"

Barry nodded sincerely. "I do mean it. After…I lost my head, ok? She wasn't answering my questions, she was being evasive and I let the personal part of me take over. The part of me that misses my brother and wants justice for him…it took over. I got harsh with her and I regret that. I saw the pain in her eyes, she didn't let it show for long…she's very independent that one, but I saw it. I came back here to apologize to her. I didn't mean to be cruel."

Mon-El nodded. "I know that's not who you are, Barry. I understand that you loved your brother, but there is something I need you to understand."

"He didn't treat Iris, right," Barry spoke softly, his head down. It was the knowledge of knowing that his brother had laid his hands on Iris that made him feel disgusted with himself for even missing him. "I know th-"

"No!" Mon-El's voice was sharp, and it made Barry look up at him. "You don't know, Barry. You don't have a clue about your brother and Iris."

Barry was silent. He wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"But you're about to," Mon-El continued. "However, before I tell you what I'm about to tell you, I need your word. I need your word as Barry my best friend, not Barry the FBI Agent…I need your word that you will never tell Iris or Kara for that matter that I told you what I'm about to."

Barry was conflicted. "Mon-El, if it pertains to this case then I have no choice but to-"

"For God's sake, Barry!" Mon-El snapped. "I'm asking you as a fucking friend. Can you wrap your head around that and stop being a cop for the two seconds its gonna take for me to tell you this one thing?" Mon-El sighed. "Please, Barry."

Barry sighed and nodded his head. "Ok. You're right. You have my honest to God word, Mon-El. I won't use what you're about to tell me. I promise you."

Mon-El sighed in relief. "Thank you. Now this is gonna be hard for you to hear and probably hard for you to believe but I have no reason to lie to you and I think if you look within yourself you'll realize this is the truth."

"What is it, Mon-El?" Barry was afraid to know. He could tell that whatever was coming was bad.

"He raped her, Barry." Mon-El admitted.

Shock flooded through Barry and his eyes filled with disgust. "What?!"

"I don't know the specifics but its true. Your brother did rape Iris." Mon-El explained.

Anger, disgust, and sorrow flooded through every part of Barry's being at those words. "I don't…I don't even know what to say." He said softly. "I can't…Jesus…what that poor girl must've…" He broke off. "Thank you for telling me this, Mon-El. I wish you had earlier, I would've handled Iris so much differently."

"Its better late then never, right?"


	3. I lied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry tells Iris the truthd

I really did not mean to have this story on hold for so long. I hope you guys like this :)

 

 

Chapter 3

 

 

  
Iris was wiping down the bar. It had been exactly two days since that interrogation with that FBI Agent. Ever since, she'd been having more nightmares and her anxiety attacks were increasing. She kept having repeated scenarios about being carted off to prison. None of those scenarios held any appeal either.

Barry walked into the club. He hoped that today, things might get better for him, case-wise. First, he had to smooth things over with Iris. He really owed her an apology.

"Hello, Iris." He gave her a small smile.

Iris looked up at him. She had to fight the small smile, her face was about to show. There was just something about this guy. He got under her skin, but at the same time...she saw something in him that reminded her of herself somehow.

"Agent Alvin." Iris acknowledged. "You back for round two?"

"Look, I think we both got started off on the wrong foot yesterday." Barry said.

"Oh," Iris laughed, although there was no humor in her laugh at all. "wrong foot? Do you agents have a nice way of interrogating people? I believe, that's why they call it an interrogation. There's nothing nice or easy about it."

"You're right." Barry agreed. "I think we need to have all our cards out on the table."

"Excuse me?" Iris was confused.

"You told me the truth, or at least part of the truth yesterday. I, however did not. I lied to you." Barry admitted.

"You lied to me?" Iris repeated confused. "About what?"

Barry braced himself for the anger he was sure to incur once she found out about his lie. "I told you that my name was Agent Barry Alvin. Well, that's not true."

He didn't feel right about lying to her anymore, especially not after Mon-El had told him just how bad the whole thing was for Iris. He just knew that if he could somehow connect with her, that she would talk to him, and then they could sort this whole Mick thing out. And maybe he could help her.

"You're not a real FBI Agent?" Iris asked. "I don't..." She shook her head, trying to make sense of this new found information. "I don't understand."

"Iris..." Barry tried to explain.

"So, you lied about being an FBI Agent. Is this something you do...to get girls?!" Iris was enraged by the mere idea.

If this had been a cheap attempt to get into her pants, she was gonna kick this guy's ass.

"Iris, stop!" Barry sighed rubbing a hand over his face. "Of course, I'm an FBI Agent. I didn't lie about that."

Iris visibly relaxed, although the anger was still some-what there.

"It's my last name that I lied about." Barry braced himself. Prepared for any angry words that this woman may throw in his well-deserved way.

Now, Iris was even more confused. "You lied about your last name? Why would you-?"

"I know for a fact you used to date my br-victim."

"Your victim?"

Realization dawned on Iris. "Oh my God." She whispered totally stunned. "I can't believe I didn't realize this before. Now, everything makes sense. Your litte slip-up, the way you make me feel...God, I thought I was losing my mind." She shook her head. "I'm not. You're Mick's brother. Aren't you?"

Barry slowly nodded his head.

"Yeah, it's true. Mick was my brother." Barry admitted.

Tears were glistening in Iris's eyes. "Why did you lie?"

"I'm not proud of it, Iris, but...I thought that if I pretended that I had no relation to Mick, then maybe you might be more open about the whole thing." Barry explained.

"So, you were using me for a case?" Iris realized, disgusted.

"Yeah, I was." Barry looked down, ashamed of himself. "I can't put into words how sorry I am."

The instinct to be angry with this man, was diminishing, when she realized that he'd blown the whole thing by telling her all of this. "So, why'd you blow it? Why did you tell me this?" Iris asked.

"Because lying to you didn't feel right. I'm not a liar, Iris. I'm not a user either. I couldn't go through with it, no matter how bad I want the truth about my brother. I'm not like that. I'm not like him." Barry replied.

"I guess you're not." Iris said after a few moments.

"I'm sorry about the whole thing, Iris. Truly." Barry apologized. "I know you're probably pissed at me, which you have every right to be, but could we start over?"

"Sure." Iris agreed. "You made a mistake. You just wanted the truth. I guess, I can understand that."

"Really? You mean it?" Barry couldn't believe she was letting this go so easily.

"Yeah, just...don't ever lie to me again, okay?" Iris's voice was soft and the look in her eyes showed him just how vulnerable she could truly be.

"It's a deal." Barry promised.

"I haven't told you the whole truth, Barry. You're right about that." Iris admitted.

Truthfully, Iris was tired of covering up this secret, and while this could be a huge mistake on her part, something about this guy made her think she could trust him and that he might want to help her. So, while it was against her better judgment, she decided to take a leap of faith.

"My shift's over. Can we go somewhere and talk?" Iris asked.

"Yeah, of course." Barry agreed. "We could go to the park?"

Iris shook her head. "Actually I was thinking more like the police station."

Barry looked at her shocked. "You wanna go to the police station. You mean you..."

"Yes." Iris nodded. "I wanna make a confession. It has to be now, and it has to be before I change my mind. I'm ready to tell you exactly what happened to your brother."


	4. Two different Mick's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris begins to tell Barry about her past with Mick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the wait guys!! I literally have WAY too many fics going on right now. I'm gonna try to make more of an effort, to update them all. Hope you guys haven't given up on me.

Chapter 4

 

  
*New York*  
*NYPD*  
*An Interrogation Room*

 

"Listen," Barry began. "I know I came on incredibly strong with my interrogating at first, but...do you wanna call a lawyer before you tell me anything?"

"No." Iris shook her head. "I can't live like this anymore. Truthfully, it was only a matter of time before this happened. I've known that all along. No delaying the inevitable."

Barry nodded, about to take something out of his pocket, than stopped.

"Are you sure, there's no one you'd like to call for legal representation?" He repeated.

This just felt so wrong to him. He didn't feel right having her tell him whatever it was that incriminated her in his brother's murder, without someone there to help her. It felt like it was a violation of her rights. And looking at her, he didn't feel like she could've done a anything wrong. Then there was the way he was feeling about her...he had deep, intense, real feelings for this girl. He'd tried to push them down, but they just kept getting stronger, forcing their way up.

"Barry, I'm sure. This is just it, okay? My life's over. There's no way out. All I can do now is tell you the truth and pray that God will forgive me, along with you eventually." Iris finished in a pained whisper. She had no expectations...none except for him to hate her and for her to be thrown in prison for maybe the rest of her life.

"You're life's not over, Iris." Barry softly replied. "I can promise you that."

Iris lifted her eyes, to look at him. Tears were in her eyes. "You can't promise me something like that, Barry. You don't know what I've done."

"No, I don't." Barry agreed. "I can see that it's eating you up inside though. It has been all along, hasn't it?"

Iris forced herself to look away from his caring gaze. His eyes...the way they looked at her...almost like he was looking straight inside of her.

"Look, this is pointless." Iris stated.

He was kind, far kinder than she deserved. She was convinced all that kindness would go away once he knew what she'd done. It was easier if she just cut herself off from that now.

"You're trying to be nice and sympathize with me, and I'm telling you that it doesn't matter. None of it matters." Iris stated harshly.

Barry looked hurt, and Iris sighed, his tone softening. "This is coming out wrong. Your kindness means alot, Barry. You barely know me. You're being so nice to me. What I was trying to say is that I don't matter. My feelings don't matter, they never did. Not even back when they should've."

"I'm sorry, Iris." Barry shook his head, once again feeling resentment for the way his brother had chose to live his life coming back to the surface. "I'm sorry my brother made you feel like that. It ends now. Your feelings are important, Iris. They're important to me. I promise you, I will do anything I can to help you."

"Thank you, Barry." Iris nodded, although she still didn't believe any of this would hold up once he knew the truth. "That means alot. Lets just get on with this. Before I chicken out."

Barry pulled out a tape recorder. "Okay," He finally agreed, realizing that she really was relinquishing all her rights and nothing he could say would change her mind. He turned the tape recorder on. "State your name for the record."

Iris took a shaky deep breath. She was trying to remain strong but the truth was she was absolutely terrified. "Iris West."

"So, how did you and Mick Allen meet?" Barry asked, trying to give her what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

"In college." Iris replied. "It was half way into the end of my first year. He'd just transferred in..."

  
_"Hey."_

_Iris turned her head to look at the new guy sitting right next to her._

_"Hi." Iris gave him a friendly smile. "You must be my new lab partner."_

_"The key word is 'new'." Mick replied with a smile._

_Iris laughed. "Don't worry, you'll get through it."_

_"So, I'm Mick Rory. I just transferred here from LA."_

_"Wow." Iris said impressed. "LA. I've always wanted to go there."_

_"It's nothing all that spectacular." Mick shrugged._

_"Well, my name is Iris West." Iris smiled._

_"Good to meet you, Iris." Mick smiled._

_"Good to meet you too."_

  
"So, that's how it all started." Iris recalled, coming back to the present. "He was a very nice at first. Nothing struck me about him being mean or anything like that. He had a funny charm about him."

"I'd like to think he got that from me.” Barry joked.

Iris smiled.

"Um but..." Barry furrowed his brow. "If he introduced himself to you as Rory how did you even know he was really Allen?"

"Um I..." Iris sighed. "I just found out a little bit late is all. There was alot about Mick that I did not know when we first got together. He weaved a pretty tangled web and I fell right into it."

Barry nodded, empathizing with her. It wasn't fair that someone as sweet as her had gotten dragged into his lies. "Did he ever tell you about Lisa?"

Iris shook her head. "I found a picture of them one time and asked him about it and he got really angry." She looked shaken just thinking about that memory. "He smashed the frame and told me not to look into things that were and I quote 'none of my fucking business'. I assumed she was a past girlfriend or something. Whatever she had been to him...he clearly wasn't over it. That put alot of strain on our relationship."

"Iris," First off Barry couldn't believe that Mick would treat someone he claimed to love like that but then again he'd shut his whole family out after what happened to Lisa so why wouldn't he do the same to Iris?

Barry sighed. "Lisa was not his girlfriend. She was our sister." Iris's eyes widened in shock. "She died and he never got over that. He pulled away from us and left."

"I..." Iris breathed deeply. "I'm so sorry, Barry. I had no idea."

Barry gave her a gentle smile. "It's ok. There's no way you could've known. He shut you out of that, just like he did to us. He thought that I didn't care because I wouldn't go all vigilante and get her justice. That's just not how I was made. I can't just kill people. That's why I became a cop. I won't deny that there weren't times when I nearly crawled into a bottle and never came out. I loved Lisa so much but I couldn't let myself self destruct. I couldn't do that to the people that needed me, and also I knew that is not what Lisa would've wanted. My sister was a good person. Mick however...took a different path."

Iris blinked back tears. She never thought that she could just kill someone either. No matter how horrible Mick had been to her, she didn't think she'd ever forgive herself. And now because of her, Barry had lost two siblings.

"The next day, he asked me out." She continued.

"Did he seem at all threatening to you?" Barry asked.

"No." Iris replied. "He seemed like he liked me, ya know? He was interested in the same stuff I was. He wanted to hang out with me. He wanted to be with me." Iris got a far off look in her eyes, as she was dragged back into the past once again...

  
_"So, what do you wanna do, babe?" Mick asked her affectionately._

_"Um...anything!" Iris answered with a giggle. She'd never been so happy._

_"Wanna watch a movie?" Mick asked._

_"Sure!" Iris replied._

_They were sitting down on the couch._

_They had decided on watching 'A Walk To Remember'_

_By the end of it, Iris was in tears, along with Mick_

_"Mick?" Iris asked in surprise. "Oh my God, are you actually crying?"_

_Mick looked at her, a hint of tears glistening in his eyes. "It's just the saddest thing I've ever seen." He shook his head. "I can't even imagine..."_

_"What?" Iris asked softly._

_"I can't even imagine what it would be like if I lost you." Mick reached out and touched her face. "Everything about you is just...it's the best, Iris. The best there is."_

_Iris was overcome by his words. She didn't know what to say. She was literally at a loss for words. Which was pretty rare for her. "You're...you're the best thing to enter my life in a long, long time, Mick." She told him._

_She wasn't very good with words. She'd had a terrible childhood and no one in her life, not even her parents had ever told her they loved her. So, she kept her heart pretty closed off._

_"I don't know if that means very much, considering what you just told me, but..."_

_"No, it does." Mick said, "It means everything. Don't you ever leave me."_

_Iris smiled, not realizing at the time how much she'd come to regret these next words. "I won't. I promise I will never leave you."_

  
"No one had ever said anything so great to me before, Barry." Iris said, coming back to the present. "I never thought that anyone would ever see me the way he did. He loved me. He wanted to be with me."

Barry looked at her with gentle eyes, just listening to her story. He could tell that she'd had a pretty rotten life so far. He could also tell that alot of it had to have stemmed from early childhood. "Your parents never told you they loved you?"

"No." Iris shook her head. "Not once. I was always...in their own words, 'their greatest disappointment'."

Barry felt anger stir up in him at hearing what bastards her parents sounded like. "I'm sorry." He said softly. "That must've been awful for you."

"Been through worse." Iris said softly.

Barry nodded his head in acknowledgement. He already knew that. She'd been through the worst thing a woman could go through. He wanted to tell her that he knew but he'd promised Mon-El.

"I think that you should know, that I'm telling you about two different Mick's." Iris said.

Barry looked at her in slight confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Right now, you're hearing about the Mick I fell in love with. The Mick that loved me in return and that would never in a million years hurt me, or so I thought." Iris explained. "Now, I'm gonna tell you about the other Mick. The Mick that got so deeply involved in drugs and alcohol and that damn mafia gig, that he lost himself. In losing himself, he lost me. He lost my love, my respect, and above all else, he lost my trust."

Barry was sitting across the table from her. Just taking in what she'd just revealed and what it all meant. He was about to be let in on the other side of Mick. The side that he never saw and the side that he was scared to death of meeting.


	5. Look at me

Chapter 5

 

  
"Things with Mick were so amazing in the beginning. He was sweet to me. I did love him." Iris stated firmly. "I need you to know that, Barry. Because, what I'm about to get into is pretty bad, but I need to you know that I did love your brother."

Barry just looked at her. He was pretty good at reading people, and he could tell that she desperately wanted him to believe that. He believed her. He believed she was telling him the truth.

"I believe you, Iris. I do." He assured her.. "Why is it so important to you that I believe that you cared about Mick?"

"Because," Without warning, tears began streaming down her face as she let out a small, but loud sob. "I need someone to believe that I did!" Iris covered her face, as she sobbed. "Mick never believed me! He never-" She cut herself off, trying to calm herself down. She hadn't meant to break down like that.

Barry looked at Iris with compassion. He didn't even know yet every single detail of what his brother had done to her, but he already felt anger towards his brother, even though he were dead because he already knew he had raped her. He could see how much pain Iris was in and it killed him. He'd only known her for a few days, but he had come to care about her alot in such a short time.

Truthfully, he'd never known what to do whenever the women he'd interrogate would start crying, he always felt awkward, sometimes even annoyed. And that was because some of them would do it to play on his sympathies. He knew that wasn't the case with Iris. He could tell the pain she was in was real. What also was different with her, was that he didn't feel awkward because of her crying, he just felt this need to make her feel better. To protect her from reliving all this, even though he knew he couldn't.

Barry reached out from across the table and took her hand that wasn't covering her face in his hand. He tenderly caressed it, trying to comfort her.

"I'm sorry." Iris cried, trying in vain to stop her crying.

"Don't be." Barry said softly. "Someone once told me that crying doesn't make you weak, it makes you stronger. It makes you stronger, because you're facing the pain and you're not running away from it."

Iris wiped her face with her hand, she brought her hand down from her face. Her face was tear-streaked, and fresh ones were still working their way down her face. To anyone else she may have looked like a total wreck, but she'd never looked more beautiful to him.

Barry took his free hand that wasn't holding her hand and reached out and gently wiped away a few of her tears. He took her other hand in his.

"Wh...who told you that?" Iris asked tearfully.

Barry looked down at the table, then back up at her face. He debated on telling her who had told him that, but then he decided on the truth. "My brother told me that." He admitted after a few seconds.

Iris let out another sob at that. "Oh God!" She closed her eyes tightly as even more tears worked their way down her face. "I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!" At this point she was completely hysterical, she just kept repeating 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

Barry got up and pulled his chair right next to her and sat back down. "Sweetheart," He said gently, but firmly. "Look at me."

"I can't," Iris cried.

"Yes, you can." Barry said firmly. "Come on, open your eyes and look at me."

"I don't deserve to. Not after what I've done." She bowed her head down, as she continued to cry.

Barry let go of her hands and reached out to take her face in his hands. "Look at me!" He said a little louder.

Iris froze, as she was transported back to another time, back to last time those words had been shouted at her...

  
_"Hey, babe." Iris called out cheerily, as she walked through the front door of her and Mick's apartment._

_Mick was sitting in his chair in the living room. He was in the dark. It suited his mood, because his eyes were completely dark._

_"Mick, what are you doing in the dark?" Iris asked him confused._

_"Waiting for you." Mick replied angrily. "Which is something I've been doing for five damn hours! Where the fuck have you been, Iris?!"_

_Iris took a step back, not liking his attitude. His eyes... She sighed, as a new realization dawned upon her. Mick was drunk._

_"Mick, have you been drinking?"_

_Mick carelessly slammed the empty bottle down. "Had to do something to pass the time away, while I was waiting for your MIA ass! Answer my question, Iris Where the fuck were you?"_

_"I was out shopping, Mick Just hanging out with Kara What's the matter with you?" Iris asked incredulous._

_Mick laughed a bitter laugh. He stood up, picked up a vase and threw it. If Iris hadn't ducked, it would've hit her right in the face._

_"Okay, you know what? I'm gonna go out and you call me, when you're sober." Iris turned around to leave and in two seconds, Mick had her by the arm and slammed her against the wall._

_"I don't fucking think so! We're not done yet!" Mick screamed at her._

_"Mick, let go of me!" Iris shouted, fear working it's way into her body._

_"You think you can just go out and not fucking tell me where?! And for how long?!" Mick screamed. "You think you get to just disrespct me like that?!"_

_"I think I can!" Iris replied boldly. "Who are you to tell me what to do?!"_

_Mick laughed again. "You stupid bitch." Then, he hauled off and punched her right in the jaw._

_Iris's face was turned side-ways, as she felt the aching pain of his fist that had made contact with her jaw._

_"Look at me!" Mick yelled._

  
Barry was starting to really worry about her. She wasn't crying anymore, but he wasn't sure that that was such a good thing. She was looking at him, but it was like she was looking right through him. Like she was looking at someone else.

"Iris, you need to come back now, okay?" Barry told her gently. "Iris, you gotta come back, alright? Look in my eyes, Sweetheart. Look at me."

Suddenly, Iris became frightened and she started backing away from him, but her eyes didn't leave his face. "Okay, okay, okay!" She cried. "I'll look at you! I'm looking at you!" She started breathing heavily. "Please, don't hit me again! Please!"

Barry's eyes went wide. He was horrified. "Iris, I would never-" He was cut off by the next words that she cried out. He'd never forget them for as long as he lived.

"Mick, please stop hurting me!"

Barry looked at Iris, he looked at her eyes. She looked completely terrified.

"Damn you, Mick." He muttered. "Damn you for terrorizing her this way."

Barry got up from his chair, and got on the floor to where Iris was in the far corner. She wasn't sobbing, but she was silently crying. He reached out for her hand, and Iris turned on him, yanking her hand away from him, trying to move even further away from him. Her back was completely against the wall, and her knees were drawn up to her chest.

"Don't touch me!" Iris screamed. "Don't!"

"Okay, okay." He relented. He held up both of his hands as a sign of surrender. He'd do anything she wanted him to do. He just wanted her to stop screaming. He wanted her to realize she was safe with him and that he wasn't his brother, and he'd never hurt her like that. "I promise that I won't touch you, unless you want me to, okay?"

"I'll never want you to touch me, you heart-less bastard!" Iris yelled.

Her words stung Barry. He felt hurt from them, but he realized that she wasn't quite here with him. She was trapped in the past. She thought he was Mick. "I won't touch you," He repeated. "but I need you to do something for me in return, okay?"

Iris looked at him, and once again she froze...

  
_"Mick stop!" Iris screamed. She was covering her face, which was rapidly bruising._

_Mick ignored her and grabbed her and forced his lips on hers, kissing her roughly, violently._

_Iris summoned up enough strength to push him away from her. "Do not touch me!" She yelled._

_Mick put his hands up in the air. "Fine!" He yelled annoyed. "You don't want me to touch you? Fine!"_

_Iris leaned back, a little relieved._

_"But you've gotta do something for me in return!" Mick stood up, and unzipped his pants. He pulled his boxers down._

_"Suck it."_

 

Iris's eyes flew wide, as she scrambled to get up off the floor.

Barry was even more confused then ever now. He hadn't done anything. He hadn't raised his voice, he hadn't even touched her. He couldn't figure out what the hell had set off whatever dark memories were overtaking her now.

"Iris," He got up to stop her from leaving. He couldn't let her leave. Not like this. "I need you to-"

"No!” Iris screamed. She began throwing punches at him. He quickly, but gently grabbed hold of her wrists, stopping the assault she had started on him. " You will never force me to do that again!"

Barry's eyes went wide again. She was reliving the rape and the worst part, she still thought he was his brother. How could he help her now?


	6. You restarted my heart

Chapter 6

 

 

"Force you to do what, Iris?" Barry found himself asking. He was shaking himself. He already knew what his brother had done to her but he still needed to hear it from her.

"You know!" Iris sobbed.

"No, Iris. I don't know." Barry shook his head. "That's why I'm asking you. I need you to tell me."

Barry sighed softly as he let her wrists that were no longer attacking him go, and he just held her against him.

"Iris, please." He gently brushed a strand of her hair out of her face. "Mick's not here. He can't hurt you anymore. I will never let anyone hurt you ever again." He gently held her face as he tried to get her eyes to meet his so she would know just how safe she was, that she couldn't be anymore safe. "It's just you and me, Sweetheart. I'm not Mick. I'm Barry."

Iris blinked a couple times, and then looked at Barry. Really looked at him.

What the hell was going on? Where was she? Where was that apartment she had been at? Where was that disgusting room that reeked of liquor that she'd been trapped in with Mick? Where was Mick?

Iris sighed, as everything came rushing back to her. Mick was dead, that's where he was. She was in the interrogation room with Barry. Barry...

"Oh my God," Iris breathed. "Barry?"

Barry sighed with relief. Iris was back again. She was back with him.

"Yeah, it's me." Barry said gently. "Are you ok, Iris?"

Iris looked at him tearfully for a moment before she moved to get up, but kept falling. She tried this a couple times, but Barry caught what would've been her third fall.

"Let go of me, Barry." Iris said firmly. "I have to get out of here."

"I'm sorry, Iris. I can't let you go." Barry told her. And it was the truth, he couldn't. He couldn't let her go for so many reasons.

"Please, Barry," Iris begged shakily. "don't make me go back there."

Barry gently took her in his arms, she fell against him and closed her eyes.

"I know my brother terrorized you and did only God knows what else, Iris. I don't blame you for not wanting to relive any of that. I'm sorry that I'm even asking you to. I know I'm being selfish but I need to know what happened to my brother." Barry gently stroked Iris's hair. "I need to know what happened to you."

"Why does it even matter what happened to me?" Iris asked softly.

"Because, Iris...you matter to me." Barry admitted.

"Why?" Iris asked again. "Haven't you been listening to me, Barry?" She asked in a voice full of weakness. "I don't matter here. I never did!"

Barry pulled back from her to look into her eyes. "And I'm sorry for that, Iris. I'm sorry that Mick treated you like you didn't matter. I can't even imagine how that had to have to made you feel." He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I know I've only known you for a few days, but in those few days you've managed to do something that no person other than my family has ever been able to do before."

"Mess up your drink?" Iris guessed.

Barry laughed softly. "Well, the vodka and whiskey was a first, but no. That particular thing is not what I'm talking about here." He gently took her face in his hands. "You made me care. It's like you restarted my heart or something."

"Barry..." Iris breathed deeply. "Don't do this. I am the last person you should be caring about."

Barry leaned his head against hers for a moment before slightly pulling back to look into her eyes gently. "I disagree. There's a reason I met you and there's a reason it's now."

Iris forced herself to look away from his caring and intense gaze. He wasn't the only one, she felt it too. She knew none of it mattered. She knew the second he found out that she murdered his brother he would be taking all of this back. And he would never look at her the way he is looking at her right now.

"So you can find out what happened to your brother." She murmured quietly.

Barry shook his head as he gently turned her face back to his. "That's part of it, true. Do you..." His eyes became somewhat tortured and conflicted. "Do you know that when I talk to you, when I look at you I start to forget about Mick? I start to forget all about the very case that I am even here in this town for. Suddenly, it's just you."

"It can't be me!" Iris shouted tearfully, cutting his words off. "Please, you have to stop saying that!"

Barry stared at her silently for a moment. The last thing he wanted was to upset her. He knew she probably wasn't ready to jump into anything. He knew there was a very real possibility that she may never want to jump into said anything with him. If Mon-El had it right...then he was the brother of the guy that raped her. Why would she possibily want to start something with him?

Tears formed in Iris's eyes, she reached out to touch his face. "Don't give me this beautiful hope, only to have it taken away when you find out everything that I did." She pleaded. "Please, don't do that to me."

Barry gently held her hand that was against his face. "You know, you keep saying that you did something terrible. Something that you can't possibly be forgiven for." Barry shook his head in disbelief. "What about Mick, Iris? What about what he did? What about what he did to you?"

"Doesn't matter what he did to me, Barry." Iris cried softly. "What he did to me doesn't make what I did right! Two wrongs don't make a right!"

Barry kissed her forehead gently. "God," He breathed. "you're such a beautiful girl. I hate that my brother, that anyone could just tear you down like this."

Iris smiled sadly. "I did this to myself, Barry."

Barry shook his head. He knew it wasn't that simple. He had dealt with his fair share of DV cases and he knew it was never that black or white. "Iris, come on-"

"I did this to myself." Iris repeated firmly. "I made alot of mistakes with Mick. The first one is not leaving when I should've."

Barry gently cupped her face in his hands. "That doesn't matter, Iris. It's not an excuse for Mick to do whatever the hell he wants to you."

"I know that." Iris said softly.

"Do you?" Barry asked her incredulously. "Do you? Cause I don't think you do. I think that you blame yourself for his actions, and you shouldn't. Mick had alot of problems. I can guarantee that while you weren't the source of all his problems. you were the tip of the iceberg for him."

"Iris, I care about you alot." Barry stated.

Iris sighed softly. "Barry, please don-"

"No," Barry interrupted her. "listen to me. I care about you alot. What I feel for you is something that I've never felt before. Something that I cannot explain. I know it's real though. I also know that whatever this is...you feel it too. Don't you?"

Iris shoved Barry away from her with all of her might.

He stumbled back a few steps from her force.

"God!" Iris screamed. "For a police officer, you're an awful listener! I've told you five times, and I'll tell you again...what I feel does not matter! Try and get this, Barry...try and really get it here! My feelings don't matter. They're not apart of this investigation and sadly they're not apart of my life or anyone else's for that matter."

"And I told you they matter to me!" Barry yelled, getting very frustrated. "Your feelings matter to me! So, deal with it!"

Iris just shook her head back and forth.

"You're in my heart, Iris." Barry sighed. "Whether you want to be there or not is irrelevant. I cannot just pretend that that I don't---"

Iris had her hand over her mouth, stunned at what he was saying to her and at what she saw in his eyes. "Barry," She cried. "you can't mean that. Just take it back right now, okay?"

"No!" Barry shouted. "I will not take it back! I meant what I said. You're in my heart. I know it sounds crazy, I know it is crazy! We've never even been on a date and the only thing I know about you is that so far you've been through hell. Then again, so have I. I know that this feeling is real. I feel it deep inside of myself. If I'm being honest I felt it the moment you messed up my drink and I saw you laugh. You can deny it with your defense mechanism of your feelings don't matter all you want, but I know you feel it too. I know you do. Or at the very least, you want to but you're scared." He took her hand in his. "You don't have to be scared of me, Iris. I'm not him. I never will be."

"Barry," Iris tried to find a way to explain this to him. "I care about you too. Ok? I do care about you. I do have feelings for you. I wish I'd met you first, but it didn't happen like that. I met your brother first , and he ruined my life. He ruined anything good that I could possibly give back to you. I'm sorry."

"I understand, Iris." Barry said softly. "Just know I won't give up on you and one day I'll prove you wrong."

Iris leaned back against the wall, and slid back down onto the floor. Barry got on the floor with her, and put his arms around her.

"You can tell me everything, Iris and I swear I will do whatever I can to help you." Barry gently assured her. "I can help you, but you have to let me."

Iris breathed deeply. "You wanna know about that episode I had before, right?"

"Only if you wanna tell me." Barry told her.

Iris breathed deeply. "When I was crying, I kept thinking about Mick. I kept thinking about all the things he did to me and what became of him. When you grabbed me and shouted for me to look at you..."

"I sent you back there, right?" Barry realized sadly. "Iris, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I swear, I didn't. I was just trying to get you back here with me. I didn't want you to be scared anymore, but I only made it worse."

"It's not your fault, Barry." Iris softly said. "Mick's abuse is something that I've never been able to really get past. It's probably because I've never talked about it. I thought if I buried it, it would all go away. It never did though. It'd always come back to haunt me in my dreams at night."

Barry knew that his was his chance to ask Iris what exactly Mick had done to her. "Iris, what did Mick do to you exactly?"

"Alot." Iris closed her eyes and then re-opened them. "He did alot to me. I was remembering when I got home one night. I'd been out shopping with Kara all day and I guess I forgot to call him. I got home and I found him sitting in the dark. He was so angry. He was also drunk. And...I'm not sure how well you knew the Mick that I knew...he never told me about you, but when he was drunk, he could get really violent."

"After our sister died, he left." Barry admitted. "I've never seen him drink though, not once."

"He drank all the time when we were together." Iris said. "In fact, his drinking was part of the reason why I left him. That's jumping ahead here, so...anyway, I asked him why he was sitting in the dark. He said he'd been waiting for me for hours. He asked me where the fuck I'd been. That right there was a dead give-away that he'd been drinking, because he never talked to me like that unless he was. He demanded that I answer his question. I calmly told him that I was out shopping with Kara. I asked him what was wrong. Mick just laughed at me. It was so full of bitterness. He stood up, grabbed a vase and threw it at me."

He felt anger erupt in his chest. "Oh my God," Barry shook his head. "Iris..."

"I ducked and it missed my head and shattered against the wall. That's when I realized that I shouldn't be there. That I should leave. I calmly told him that I was gonna leave and to call when he sobered up. Before I even made it to the door, he grabbed my arm and slammed me against the wall. He told me that we weren't done yet and I wasn't going anywhere. I yelled at him. I demanded he let go of me. That only seemed to infuriate him though. He started screaming, who was I to just leave not tell him where I was going. I smarted off to him, which was not a good thing for me to do. He was already angry and drunk. I should've tried to calm him down, but I was angry also. I always hated when he'd grab me and try to tell me what to do. He laughed at me and he punched me in the jaw." Iris closed her eyes, remembering how powerful his punch had been and how much it had hurt.

"Iris," Barry gasped. "why didn't you just go to the police after that? You could've gotten his ass thrown in jail. Why would you stay?"

Iris breathed deeply "At the risk of sounding like a pathetic domestic victim...He said he loved me and that he was sorry. And that he'd get help..."

Barry sighed. She wasn't saying anything that he hadn't heard from many of the DV calls he'd been dispatched to. "Did you really believe that he could change?"

"No, not really." Iris admitted. "I held onto hope though. That hope let me down every time though. But it was all I had."

Barry breathed deeply. "There was something else, Iris."

"Before, when you got hysterical and freaked out on me...you...I..." He sighed, running his hand over his face a few times. There was a tiny part of him that didn't want to hear Iris actually tell him that Mick had raped her, but there was also a huge part of him that needed to know, so that he could help her.

"Barry?” Iris questioned.

At her prompting, Barry decided that he had to get her to tell him. "You were backed into this corner, you had your knees drawn up against your chest and you were crying. I reached out to try and comfort you and you started yelling at me. You were yelling at me not to touch you. I backed off, and I promised that I wouldn't touch you if you didn't want me to. And you,"

"I called you a heartless bastard and told you I'd never want you to touch me." Iris recalled softly. "Barry, I'm so sorry. I thought I was still back there. Back with Mick. I thought you were him. You didn't deserve any of that and I'm so sorry-"

"No," Barry shook his head. "don't apologize to me. It's not your fault. None of it is. I don't want an apology, Iris. I just want to understand."

"I don't know that you can." Iris said uncertainly.

"After...you went off on me. I told you I wouldn't touch you, but that I wanted you to do something for me. You started flipping out again. Worse than before. You stood up and I thought you were gonna leave, so I tried to stop to you, and you turned on me. You started screaming at me. You were screaming that I'd never force you to do that again." Barry was looking straight into Iris's tear-filled eyes at this point. "I want you to tell me what you were talking about."

"No, Barry.” Iris shook her head violently. "Please, God please, ask me anything but that."

"Iris, I care for you." Barry gently said. "You know that. Please, tell me what happened. I wanna help you. I wanna know everything, so that I can help you get through it. I wanna be there for you. Even if it's just as your friend."

Iris closed her eyes, taking everything that Barry had said to her in. "Mick..." Her voice was soft, barely audible as she talked.

Barry leaned in closer to Iris, and tightened his hold around her shoulders. "It's alright, sweetheart. You can tell me."

"After, Mick punched me, he kept on hit...hitting me a few times. He grabbed me and started kissing me. I pushed him away from me and I told him not to touch me. He looked at me, angry and annoyed. He was like ,'fine'! I won't touch you, but you have to do something in return for me. He..." Iris closed her eyes, not wanting to look at Barry while she told him the most humiliating thing Mick had ever done to her. "He unzipped his pants, and let them fall to the floor. He told me to...to..."

Barry looked disgusted and horrified. "Oh my God."

"I didn't want to. I refused to, and he pulled out his gun and he held it to my head." Iris recalled. "So, I gave in. I was scared and I was afraid..."

"I know you were." Barry said soothingly.

Who the hell was this guy? Barry thought to himself disgusted. This was the brother that he missed and was out there wanting justice for? This wasn't his brother. He would never be able to remember Mick as his brother ever again.

"He held my head down and..." Iris shook her head. "I almost choked a couple of times, but he didn't care. He didn't care that he was hurting me, Barry. Looking back, I'm not sure that ever did care."

"Iris," Barry gently kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what Mick put you through. I can't even imagine how that must've made you feel."

He was fighting back the rage he felt for what had happened to her. If Mick were alive he knew he would be placing him under arrest and that would come after Barry beat the crap out of him. But Mick was dead and he was no longer his brother.

"I wish I could say, that that was the worst that it got, but it wasn't Barry. That was only the beginning." Iris admitted.

Fresh tears were streaming down Iris's face.

"Iris," Barry hesitated, before asking his next question, but now more than he ever he needed to know the truth. "did Mick force you to have sex with him?"

Iris looked up at him, then back down a few times before answering.

"Yes."


	7. It was me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris explains more about what happened with Mick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been forever and I am so sorry! I hope you guys like this chapter!

Chapter 7

 

 

  
"He raped you." Barry repeated softly.

Iris nodded, fresh tears rolling down her face.

Barry gently stroked her cheek, then pulled it away. He turned around, and laid the front of his face into the wall.

How could he be hearing any of this? He used to consider his brother to be his best friend. How could he have changed so much? How could he have hurt a woman that Barry already cared for so much? How could he have hurt any woman that way?

This shouldn’t have been a shock to him. He’d already been told this, he knew Mon-El wouldn’t lie…but just hearing the words from Iris herself…it made it all real.

Iris stared at Barry's back, and could see his shoulders shaking slightly. She realized he was crying. She slowly walked over to him, and took his hand in hers. He immediately squeezed her hand back.

"I'm sorry." Barry said softly, the emotion could be heard in his voice. "I'm so sorry, Iris." He took his hand that was free, and roughly wiped the tears from his face, and he turned to face her, his hand never leaving hers. "I'm so damn sorry, sweetheart."

"It wasn't your fault, Barry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for dragging you into all of this." Iris whispered, hating that he was so upset. She knew he was upset for her, but she didn't want that. It wasn't his fault, and she was afraid that he blamed himself.

"Don't." Barry replied, as he turned around and faced her. "Please, don't apologize to me for any of this. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. I can assure you of that. My brother is the one who did something wrong, and I am so ashamed to even call him that right now, even in his death." He ran a hand over his face, as he brushed his stray tears away. "I am so sorry, Iris." He got choked up again, as he cut himself off.

"For what, Barry?" Iris asked softly, not understanding what this wonderful man could possibly be apologizing to her for.

"For what you had to endure. For all of it." Barry replied softly. "That must've been a nightmare."

"It was." Iris admitted. "The beginning of a very long nightmare that has never completely gone away for me."

"I should've done more. I should've gone after him," Barry whispered the guilt just filling him up.

"And what would you have done?" Iris asked him.

"If I'd known he was hurting you, or anybody like that...I would've kicked his ass, and then made him get some damn help." Barry leaned back against the wall.

"I used to tell myself that too." Iris said softly.

Barry lifted his head to look at her, startled by her voice.

"I used to tell myself that if I'd realized before he got so...violent with me, that maybe I could've saved him. Maybe I could've convinced him to go into therapy." Iris admitted. "The truth is, Barry...I was just as screwed up as he was."

"Why? Because you wanted to believe he could love you? Because you wanted to believe that love could be enough?” Barry shook his head. "That's not being screwed up, Iris that's being human."

"I came from a..." She stopped. "What am I doing? This isn't about me. This is about him. What else, do you want me to tell you?"

Barry let go of her hand, and walked over to the table, he took the tape-recorder and turned it off.

"What are you doing, Barry?" Iris asked him confused.

"You were wrong before." Barry said. "You said that your feelings don't matter, and maybe they don't to the investigation...they do to me. I want you to tell me everything. This isn't just about him, this is about you too."

"I...uh...I..." Iris walked over to the table and sat down in the chair. "What I was going to say before was that, I came from an abusive home, Barry."

Barry sat down in a chair beside her, and took her hand in his gently, letting her know that he was there for her.

"Although it was nothing near to the hell that your brother put me through, it was still abusive. It was verbally abusive. I told you that my parents said I was their greatest disappointment, and while they said that to me on more than one occasion, it wasn't the worst thing they ever said to me. Nothing I did was right for them. And when you go through your whole life, with people telling you...people that are supposed to love you unconditionally telling you that you're ugly, you're stupid, and I don't love you, never have, never will. Well, it sends you on a desperate search." Iris explained. "It leads you on a search to find somebody who doesn't think those things about you. It's what lead me to Mick, and it's what made me stay with him for so long."

"Because you wanted to believe that you could make somebody love you." Barry realized sadly.

Barry could've believe she'd had such cruel, selfish parents. He couldn't believe how awful of a life she'd really had.

"I wanted to believe that I could change Mick. In the beginning, I believed that he loved me, and maybe he did, Barry. Maybe he really did love me at one time, I don't know. All I do know is that when he started drinking, and getting into drugs...all of that stopped. The way that he used to be with me, it stopped. The love that he used to show me was replaced with violence." Iris said. "I thought that if I could just hang in there, and keep being patient and just keep telling him how much I loved him, then he'd come back. Then everything would be okay, and we'd get married and be happy."

"He never did come back though did he?" Barry asked softly.

Iris shook her head. "No, he never did."

"What happened after that, Iris?" Barry asked her. "After he forced you to..." It hurt him to even repeat the words, to even repeat what had been done to her. "to perform oral sex on him...what happened after that?" And when he realized Iris was ready to talk more about it, he turned the recorder back on.

"He mentioned something about needing beer, and he left." Iris replied. "After he left, I went upstairs, and I packed a bag. I put a few things in it. Just necessary things, ya know?"

Barry nodded. "You were going to leave him?"

"Yeah" Iris nodded, tears in her eyes. "That was just like a wake up call. After he did it, I was crying, and crying, and none of it even phased him. He got up, and said he needed beer!" Iris continued, with a bitter laugh. "Beer!"

Barry just shook his head, he couldn't believe what kind of man he was hearing about. It made him sick.

"I called Kara, and I told her I needed some time away. So, she said that I could stay with her." Iris explained. "I left. I got out of there before he came back."

"Did he ever call you again after that, Iris?" Barry asked, as he took a seat at the table in the interrogation room, and she took the seat across from him like before. "Was that the last of it?"

"No," Iris almost laughed at that, not out of amusement, but just out of bitterness. "he was furious. Mick…well, at least the Mickc that I knew...the one he became...he wasn't one for calling. He just kinda barged in. He was angry. He just kept pounding on the door, yelling...yelling all sorts of obscenities. When the anger clearly wasn't working, he took up another tactic. He started crying. He was crying, saying he was sorry, and that he loved me. He cried that if I would just give him one more chance, things would be so different."

"Did you give him another chance, Iris?" Barry was hoping for her sake, the answer would be no, but he had a feeling that it wouldn't be.

"Against my better judgment, yes." Iris replied. "Hell, against Kara and Mon-El's wishes, I gave him another chance. Everyone told me not to. I told me not to. He sounded so sincere, and in those few minutes, it was like the man I fell in love with was back. I needed for that to be true so much."

"Even with what he had done to you?" Barry couldn't understand this logic at all. Mick was already dead, and he wanted to kill him for what he'd done to her. He just couldn't understand how she give him another chance after that. Why she'd even want to. "Iris, he hurt you, and he didn't even care. I don't understand why you'd even want to try again with him."

"Mick was the only person who'd ever told me that he loved me. Deep down, I was afraid that he was the best that I could do." Iris admitted. "I know that won't make any sense to you, but you didn't have my life, Barry. You don't know what my life was like, what any of it was like."

"No, I suppose I don't." Barry conceded. "So, you gave him another chance. Then, what? Did he benefit from this second chance, Iris? Did he prove to you that he was worth it?"

"No," Iris shook her head. "just the opposite."

"So, what did he do next?" Barry was growing tired. He wasn't upset with her by any means, he was just tired of hearing of this person that his brother had become. It was taking it's toll on him.

"He hit me a lot of times." Iris replied. "He...the abuse, it only continued. It didn't get better." Iris looked away, hating all of it had happened and hating admitting what a weak person she once used to be. "It never got better."

"How long did this second chance last?" Barry gently asked. "Did you leave again? Did...something else happen?"

"I left." Iris stated. "When I left that time, it was for good. Mon-El and Kara kind of did an intervention with me. They got me alone, and they made me see that all of this was wrong. I told them, that I had to go back, and end it officially. The last time, I ran Barry. I ran, and he found me, and I believed his lies and went back with him. I couldn't let that happen this time. I had to do it myself. I had to be firm with it."

"Okay, so when you went back to call it quits with Mick...did you go alone?" Barry asked her.

"Yes." Iris replied.

Barry looked stunned at that. "Were you afraid? Did you realize that going back by yourself could've possibly gotten you killed?"

"I realized that too." Iris said. "I also realized that if I was ever going to get anything of my life back before Mick, than I had to do it myself. I thought maybe I'd respect myself more, maybe he'd even respect me or something. It didn't go that way at all though. I told him I was done, that I was never going to be with him again, never gonna go back to him. I explained to him how he made me feel, and how I honestly didn't love him anymore. I told him that he had killed all the love that I had ever had for him. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me, but than stopped. I told him that if he would've shown that much restraint during the other parts of our relationship, and hadn't done the things to me that he'd done that maybe we wouldn't be having this conversation. He just shook his head, and he looked at me."

Iris finally looked back up at Barry. "For the first time I didn't see any illusions, Barry. I didn't see any of what I wanted to see. I saw Mick. The real Mick...maybe I was seeing the Mick that there was all along, I don't know. But I saw him so clearly. He looked at me, and he said 'you will regret this. No one will ever love you, but me'."

"You left, just like that?" Barry asked slightly confused. "He didn't try to stop you in any way?"

"No." Iris replied. "I could tell that he was angry though. I didn't say another word, I just grabbed my suitcase, and I left. I left him. I went to Kara's."

"You never went back to him after that?" Barry asked.

"No, never. I was serious, when I told him that I was never going to be with him again. I meant that, and I never went back on it." Iris declared.

"Okay..." Barry was still sort of confused. His brother was dead. He still needed answers about that, and he still believed that Iris knew them. "Look, Iris...if I'm gonna help you, than you are gonna have to be straight with me."

"I have been, Barry." Iris replied, surprised and hurt that he might've thought she was making any of this up. "Everything I've told you is the God's honest truth. I haven't lied."

"I believe you, Iris. I also believe that there is something that you are not telling me." Barry stated and looked at her and continued on firmly. "I need you to tell me what it is. For your own good."

"You believe that I know who killed your brother, right?" Iris asked. This was going to be the hardest part of all. Explaining that awful night to Barry.

"I do, Iris." Barry affirmed.

"You're right." Iris said. "I do know who killed your brother."

"Who did it, Iris?" Barry asked her gently. "Just give me a name, and we'll work all of this out. I promise you."

Iris nodded her head, not planning on holding him to that promise since she knew it was gonna be nol and void, after she told him everything else. "It was me, Barry."

Barry lifted his head, and looked at her in complete shock. "What?"

"I did it, Barry. I killed your brother. It was me."


	8. I don't have a choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris tells Barry exactly how Mick died.

Chapter 8

 

 

To say that Barry was stunned would be an understatement. This just couldn't be...he never thought for a moment that this girl could be the killer. Not after he got to know her, saw the hidden pain behind her eyes.

"No," Barry shook his head. "this is wrong, Iris. You can't...no. Who are you covering for? Tell me the truth."

"I _am_ telling you the truth," Iris's voice broke, as she saw the desperation in Barry's eyes. His desperation to not think the absolute worst of her, even when it was the truth. "I did it. _I_ killed him. I'm so sor-"

"No!" Barry shouted, slamming his fist onto the table, causing her to flinch. "I don't believe that, Iris!" At Iris's frightened eyes, he took a deep breath and calmed himself. He added in a softer, gentler voice. "That's not who you are." His eyes went tortured for a moment. "That _can't_ be who you are."

"It's who I _became_ , Barry." Iris cried out, her shoulders slightly shaking. "He took so much from me, I couldn't let him take my life too. I didn't wanna be that girl. I couldn't become that girl who was killed by her abusive ex, but instead I became someone so much worse than that. I became someone who murdered her abusive ex. I wish so much that it wasn't true, that I could take this back. I can't."

Barry's eyes became filled with recognition, as he realized that she was telling him the truth. He saw the anguish in her eyes, and the regret. He had swore that he would bury whoever took his brother from him, but everything had become so complicated.

After Iris had told him the awful story of what Mick had done...it had made him wish that he had taken his brother's life himself. He didn't know what he felt for him anymore. He didn't even know what was the right thing to do anymore. If Iris had indeed been soley responsible for Micks' death, was it really right to throw her behind bars considering everything she'd been put through because of Mick?

"Tell me what happened, Iris." Barry finally spoke after a few minutes, his voice rough with unshed tears. "All of it. Please."

"I left Mick, but he couldn't accept that, Barry." Iris roughly wiped away her tears, determined not to cry anymore. She did it. She took away his brother, and she could damn well accept the consequences and take what she knew she would have coming after all of this was out in the open.

"I just wanted to start over, ya know? I wanted to start my life over, start it all over before I met him. He went crazy when I refused to go back to him. He tried to hurt my friend, Kara..."

 

_"Where the fuck is she?!" Mick screamed, as he had Kara up against the wall in a death grip._

_As scared as Kara was of this man, she'd never give him the satisfaction. "Somewhere far away from you. About fucking time, if you ask me."_

_"You don't even wanna mess with me, little girl," Mick warned. "you need to give me back what's mine."_

_"I'm not yours anymore, Mick!" Iris yelled from behind him._

_At Iris's voice, Mick let go of Kara, and turned toward her. "C'mon, baby. We belong together. You know it. You know **it**."_

_"No," Iris's voice was strong and firm. "what I **know** , is that if I go back with you, one of us will die. Don't you understand, Mick?! You killed it! You killed all the love that I had for yo--"_

_"Stop **saying** that!" Mick screamed enraged. "You love me, Iris. I love you. We **have** to be together!"_

_"No, we don't." Iris retorted in disgust. "It's over, Mick. We're over! Stay away from me, and you stay the hell away from Kara!"_

_Iris grabbed her friend's hand, and they walked away._

 

"He attacked your friend, cause you wouldn't go back to him?" Barry asked. This just got worse and worse.

"Yeah." Iris replied. "I wasn't gonna make that mistake again, I couldn't, Barry. I had finally accepted it. I couldn't save your brother. I didn't even want to anymore. I just wanted out."

Even though she hadn't finished, Barry was pretty sure he knew where this was going. It made it all the more easier for him not to blame her in anyway for this. "It was self-defense, wasn't it?"

Iris's head snapped up toward him. "What?"

Barry leaned forward looking into her eyes earnestly and honestly not able to imagine any other scenario. "You killing Mick. It was self-defense, right?"

"I don't know, Barry." Iris replied, her voice tortured. "Would you call self-defense and revenge the same thing?"

Barry didn't know what to say to that. "I think that maybe you should tell me what happened the night my brother died, and than we can talk about that." He said carefully.

"I was walking back to the dorms from the university one night," Iris began. "I had my head-phones on, so I didn't hear anything behind me. I felt someone grab me, and something being put against my mouth. Everything went dark, and when I woke up, I was in a dark basement." She blinked back the tears, as the memory from that awful night came rushing back to her.

 

 

_Was a long and dark December_   
_From the rooftops I remember_   
_There was snow_   
_White snow_

_Iris groggily opened her eyes, as she took in her surroundings._

_Where was she?_

_It was so dark..._

_Clearly I remember_   
_From the windows they were watching_   
_While we froze_   
_Down below_

_"Hello, Iris."_

_Iris focused all her energy, as she forced her eyes open, and they widened in horror once the figure became clear._

_"Mick." Iris whispered._

_"Glad to see you still remember my name." Mick replied, as he walked towards her. "I thought maybe you'd forgotten along with alot of other things."_

_When the future's architectured_   
_By a carnival of idiots on show_   
_You'd better lie low_

_"O...other t...hings?" Iris stuttered, as her speak broke. She was still pretty drugged up, and it was still hard for her to talk._

_"Yeah, Iris. **Other**  things." Mick repeated, his patience all but gone. As if it had ever existed to begin with. "Like the thing where you promised we'd be together forever." His eyes bore down into hers hatefully. "You do remember making that promise to me. Don't you, baby?"_

_"That was a long time ago, Mick." Iris responded tightly. "I made that promise before I found out what kind of a man you really are."_

_Mick looked at her sharply. "What kind is that, Iris?"_

_If you love me_   
_Won't you let me know?_

_"The kind that hurts a woman he claims to love so much." Iris struggled with her restraints as she realized she was tied to the chair she was sitting in. "You abused me and abused me, Mick. I told you twice, and I guess I gotta tell you a third time..."_

_Mick looked at her with anger, but he wasn't lashing out like he normally did. He stood there and he listened, he was looking at her, his eyes warning her of what would happen if she said something he didn't like._

_Iris glared at him, and this time she did not listen. She was so tired of being afraid of what to say to him._

_Was a long and dark December_   
_When the banks became cathedrals_   
_And the fog_   
_Became God_

_"You destroyed all the love that I once held inside for you, Mick."_

_Mick clenched his jaw, his eyes blazing. "I told you, Iris....STOP saying THAT!"_

_Iris shook her head, still drowsy, but coherent enough to let the truth be known. "No, I will NOT! You killed it, Mick! You killed IT!"_

_Mick raised his fist and struck her, his eyes cold and furious._

_Iris slowly turned her head to look at him, her jaw hurt from the impact of his punch, but she needed to say this. "Now," She gave him a smile. On the outside, it looked like a real smile, but on the inside it was full of bitterness. "there's the Mick that I know and despise." She gave him a hard glare. "And once fooled myself into thinking that I loved."_

_Priests clutched onto bibles_   
_Hollowed out to fit their rifles_   
_And the cross was held aloft_

_"You've become a real bitch, Iris." Mick said, his eyes cold._

_"Yeah, well you've become a real abusive ass, Mick." Iris retorted. "I don't know what the hell ever made me stay with you so lon-"_

_"SHUT UP!" Mick screamed, his anger taking over him. "Just shut up!"_

_Bury me in honor_   
_When I'm dead and hit the ground_   
_A love back home unfolds_

_"No," Iris shook her head. "you need to get this. No matter what you do, what you threaten or how long you decided to keep me here..." Iris's eyes stared at him sharply, not a hint of fear as there was in the past. "I will **never** go back with you."_

_Mick's eyes were ablaze. "You just better--"_

_"Never, Mick." Iris repeated, her words hard and firm. " **Ever**."_

_"You loved me once, I'll make you love me again." Mick replied._

_Iris just laughed. "That's your problem right there, Mick. Everything's always done with force with you. You can't force someone into feeling something that they don't." She took a deep breath. "You cannot force me to love you." Iris shook her head. "You can't."_

_If you love me_   
_Won't you let me know?_

_Mick just glared at her. "Like hell, I can't."_

 

 

"So, Mick held you down in his basement with the intent of forcing you to rekindle what you once felt for him?" Barry asked, gathering all of this newfound information together.

Iris nodded. "Nothing that I said was getting through though. I was standing up for myself for like the first time ever, and none of it was even registering with him. He never listened to me, Barry. Not when I was weak or when I was strong."

"Okay...so...Iris, I'm still not getting how his death is your fault." Barry replied confused. "Did he die during this?"

"A little in-between." Iris replied. "After I told him he couldn't force me to love him, he got mad again , only this time he grabbed a syringe and very painfully injected my neck with it."

"God," Barry whispered horrified. "you could've been the one getting killed with all those drugs..."

"They were very numbing. They made me forget about what an awful situation I was really in." Iris admitted. "A few hours later, I came to, and he still wasn't back. So, I took that opportunity to start trying to make an escape."

Barry was still writing down what she was saying. "He had you tied up, right?"

"Right." Iris replied. "I was pulling, and pulling against the ropes. With all the pulling, and moving around in the chair...it tipped over, and I was able to start untying myself."

"Were you able to get out of the basement before he came back?" Barry asked her, he was writing all of this down, and needed step-by-step details.

"Yes." Iris replied. "But before I did that, I noticed that there was a gun laying on the table a few feet away from me. I guess, Mick didn't count on my being able to get free from the restraints. He figured the drugs would be enough to keep me dull. Barry, I swear to you I did not grab that gun because I was planning on finding and killing your brother for kidnapping me. That is not why I grabbed it."

Barry nodded, he believed her. She‘d been honest about everything up until now, he could tell. He saw no reason to start distrusting her now. "So, why did you?"

"Mick clearly had no intention of letting me leave peacefully. I couldn't let him drug me again. Who knows what he would wind up doing. I needed a way to protect myself." Iris explained softly.

"Okay," Barry nodded. "what happened after you grabbed the gun and got out of the basement?"

"On the way to the front door, he came from behind me, but I felt him before he grabbed me." Iris ran a hand across her face. "I turned around quickly, and I hit him with the gun. I hit him hard, as hard as I could. He fell to the ground, and I ran out of the house."

"Were you able to grab your cell phone to call 911, during any of this?" Barry asked her.

"My cell phone was in my purse, and my purse was down in the basement where he had been holding me." Iris replied. "I was in such a rush to get out of there, to get away from him that honestly that cell phone was the last thing on my mind."

Barry nodded, he understood that. He just needed all the facts for documentation.

"Anyway..." Iris continued. "I guess I didn't hit him as hard as I thought I did, because a few minutes after I had began running into the woods...the woods was where his yard led to. He had taken me to his cabin, and it's all the way out in the middle of no-where. He was chasing me. He was yelling my name, and I didn't stop. I didn't dare stop, I kept running and running. He eventually caught up to me though, and he knocked the gun out of my hand, and he slammed me to the ground...."

 

  
_"You think you can win?" Mick breathed, he was on top of her...pining her hands over her head as he straddled her. "Huh?! You can't BEAT me! You're NOTHING, Iris! Do you hear me? NOTHING!"_

_Iris was struggling against him, but he was so much stronger than her. "You can't WIN either Mick!"_

_Mick began moving roughly against her. He started assaulting her neck. "You like what I'm doing to you, don't you Iris?" He breathed against her neck. He moved his other hand, and unzipped her pants, he roughly put his hand inside her underwear, and pushed his finger inside her._

_"No!" Iris cried as she struggled against him. "Stop!"_

_"I'll never stop, Iris.” Mick grinned. "Never. I know you want it, I know you like it. I'm gonna fuck you so hard, that you'll never be with anyone again."_

_"No!" Iris yelled._

_With a strength Iris didn't know she possessed, she pushed her foot up, and kicked him in the balls knocking him off of her. She turned around, grabbed the gun that had fallen and pointed it straight at Mick._

_I don't want to be a soldier_   
_Who the captain of some sinking ship_   
_Would stow, far below_

_"Iris," Mick had an almost fearful look in his eye. "you won't do it."_

_"You don't know **what** I'll do!" Iris yelled. "You don't own me! You sure as fuck don't control me! Not anymore!" Her hand shook, as she kept the gun trained on him. "You never will again! Never again, you hear me?!" She screamed._

_Mick held his hands up in surrender. "I hear you, I hear you!"_

_So if you love me_   
_Why'd you let me go?_

_"No, you don't!" Iris yelled. "You know, this is the first time in three years that you're actually listening to what I'm saying to you! Also, this wouldn't even be happening if I didn't have this gun! You're never gonna touch me again, Mick! You're never gonna touch Kara!" She screamed the last part...she felt so angry when she thought of how he tried to intimidate her best friend._

_"You're never gonna touch anyone." She finished softly._

_"I'll never stop touching you, babe." Mick's eyes changed from fearful to cocky. "You know you want it, you just won't admit it."_

_"No," Iris's eyes were sharp as she put her finger against the trigger. "I," she pulled the trigger back. "don‘t!" She let go of the trigger, firing a bullet into Mick's chest._

_I took my love down to Violet Hill_   
_There we sat in snow_   
_All that time she was silent still_

_Iris was shaking as she saw his lifeless body laying on the grass. She dropped the gun to the ground, horrified by what she'd just done. She'd killed him._

_So, if you love me_   
_Won't you let me know?_

  
Barry sat in stunned silence. He didn't know what to say. He had no words.

Iris just sat there, her eyes tortured and haunted, as she finished recalling the awful story to him.

“Iris,” Barry's voice was gentle. “I know I keep saying this but I am just so sorry for everything Mick did to you.”

Iris appreciated the gesture but she wished he’d quit apologizing for something his brother did. “You don’t have any control over what your brother did to me, it wasn’t your fault. I could never blame you and I don’t.”

Barry blinked back tears. “Well thank you for that,” His voice was rough with emotion. “what..can you tell me what happened next?”

Iris nodded tearfully. “I dragged his body to the river that was a few miles from where we were, and I threw his body into it. There were drugs on him, so I counted on the police to believe that he'd been killed on that for some sort of reason. I went to Kara after...and we got rid of the gun. It's been five years...and no one ever suspected anything, until now."

Barry was silent for a few moments.

Iris wasn't sure what he was thinking. His face was completely unreadable.“Barry, I am so sorr--”

“Don’t.” Barry cut her off sharply. “Don’t you dare apologize to me, Iris.”

"You're right. Apology's not enough. Nothing could be." Iris wiped tears out of her eyes. "I wish there was a way that I could make you understand. I just couldn't..."

"I understand, Iris." Barry interrupted her again, his voice firm and yet his eyes were gentle. "I understand more than you know. You've told me everything, and this is in no way your fault."

"Yes, it is!" Iris replied, stunned that he wasn't angry or cuffing her right now. "I killed your brother. I shot him in cold blood, Barry. Me, I did that. I could've found another way if I really thought it through."

"You couldn’t take his abuse anymore, so you ended it the only way that was available to you at the time. From everything you've told me, Mick never would've stopped. You didn't have a choice, Iris.” Barry softly said as he sighed and his eyes became slightly tortured. "Just like right now. What I'm going to do is going to be difficult, and it could cost me everything...but I _have_  to do it, Iris. I have to do this because _I_ don't have a choice."

Iris's eyes met his in complete confusion.

 

 

A/N: Song Info : Violet Hill, by Coldplay


	9. The right thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry takes a huge risk to do the right thing.

Chapter 9

 

 

 

_I know I would apologize_   
_If I could see in your eyes_   
_Cause when you showed me myself_   
_You know, I became someone else_

_~*~Chris Martin Ft. Michael Stipe_

***

"I know," Iris responded softly. "I know that you don't have a choice here, Barry. I know that you have to arrest me and before you do that I just need to say one more thing." A lone tear rolled down her face. "Please."

Barry's head snapped up at the word 'arrest'. "Iris, I'm afraid you don't understand..." How after everything she had told him could she possibly think that he could arrest her? She did nothing wrong.

"Barry," Iris's voice broke. "I am _so_ sorry. I'm sorry for Mick. I know that it isn't enough. I mean, how could it be? You no longer have a brother, and that's on me. I will never forgive myself for that. I know you probably never will either, but I just need you to believe me when I tell you that I am so so--"

Barry quickly reached out and grasped her arm gently but firmly. "Iris, please! You have to stop apologizing to me."

"You're right," Iris quickly wiped her eyes, refusing to break down in front of this man. He didn't need her tears. "apology's not enough. Nothing could ever be enough, Barry. I wish there was something I could do..."

Barry sighed in frustration and ran his free hand over his face. He was furious with what his so called brother had done to her. He hated that she felt she should ever apologize to him for protecting herself.

"Stop apologizing to me, Iris." Barry softly growled. "It's futile at this point. It's not needed or wanted for that matter."

"Well, what do you want Barry?" Iris asked helplessly. "What can I do? I know I can't bring him back, but I--"

"No," Barry once again interrupted her as he got up and knelt down infront of her. "you can't bring him back, Iris. To be completely honest with you, I don't think I'd even want you to bring him back. He's an animal and he's where he belongs."

Iris looked at him shocked. She wasn't expecting him to say that. "Still, Barry...he was your _brother_."

"No," Barry shook his head. "he may have been my brother by blood....but no family of mine could ever do what he did to you. If he were here, I would lock him up myself. That's beside the point right now. He's dead, and I don't want an apology for that either."

"Right." Iris whispered, looking away from him sightly.

Barry sighed. He had no idea how what he was about to do was gonna work. He usually went with plans for everything in his life. That is until this girl had come along.

"No, you don't understand." He gently clasped her hands in his, causing her to look back at him. "I'm not blaming you here, Iris. For you to apologize to me would be to say that you were somehow at fault, and you weren't. You did absolutely nothing wrong here. You did what you had to do. I don't fault you for that, I never would. To answer your question of what you can do for me....for starters, you can forgive yourself. You can stop beating yourself up every moment of everyday, and finally...you can be happy, you can heal, and you can start to live your life before Mick cruelly invaded it."

He met Iris's tear-filled disbelieving eyes and gave her a gentle smile. "That's what you can do for me."

Iris's shoulder's shook, as tears rolled down her face. "But I...I took your brother from yo--"

Barry winced as he closed his eyes tightly, and then reopened them. "No." He replied firmly. "Iris, _he_ took himself from me. He took himself away from me, away from our whole family after our sister died. He permanently took himself away from me when he decided to become a monster. He did this, not you. If you never believe anything that I ever say to you, believe that."

Iris was silent for a few minutes, and looked straight into his eyes. She saw the truth in them. She saw that he really believed and meant all of this. "Ok," She replied quietly. "I'll try. You uh…you can arrest me now."

Barry took the tape out of the recorder, and in one split motion he threw it on the ground and stomped on it with his foot, crushing it into pieces. "Arrest you for what?"

"Barry!" Iris was beyond shocked. "What did you _do_ that for?!"

"Making sure you can honor your promise to me," Barry responded with a half smile. "you can't very well live happily ever after in a jail cell now can you?"

"Barry," Iris shook her head. It meant everything in the world to her that he was trying to help her like this, but she felt she didn't deserve it. "I have to pay for what I did."

Barry's smile faded as he looked at her seriously. "I think you've paid enough. You were in prison with him for years, Iris. What kind of person would I be if I turned around and threw you right back into another one after you were finally free? It wouldn't be right."

"Barry," Iris looked over at the broken tape. "you destroyed police evidence. You could lose your job, even go to jail yourself." She shook her head as it weighed on her what this guy had just risked for her. "There's no way I could possibly be worth that. You barely _know_ me..."

Barry gently touched her arm. "I know you've been through enough. I know that my in-action has contributed to quite a bit of the pain you've gone through. When Mick left, I was relieved. He was always so angry all the time. Always wanting this, always wanting that. It was stressful trying to constantly make him ok. I couldn't. I couldn't make him ok. I knew things were off with him."

He blinked back tears as he thought about what this girl had been through because he had been all too happy to be so unaware. "I never realized _how_ off and Iris, if I'm being completely honest I don't think I wanted to. I wanted to move on with my life. He didn't. Because I did nothing, you suffered. I don't blame you for what happened to Mick. I can't arrest you when you were defending yourself. I can't put you through anymore pain than I already have. You _are_ worth it, Iris. You're right, I don't know you that well. I know you _enough_ to know that this is the right thing to do."

"Barry," Iris murmured sadly as he held his hand that was on her arm. "you're not responsible for what Mick did. I don't blame you and I could never blame you..."

"I'll make you a deal," Barry half smiled as he reached up and brushed a strand of hair out of her face softly. "I will try not to blame myself for what you went through if you promise to try to forgive yourself. You've been in prison for so long, Iris. My hope is that my doing this can maybe slowly help you set yourself free."

Iris nodded tearfully before suddenly throwing herself into his arms and gripping him tightly. "Thank you, Barry." She whispered.

Barry gently wrapped his arms around her, his one hand coming up to gently stroke her hair. "It's gonna be ok, Iris. I promise I'll see you through this if you let me."

Iris pulled back slightly too look at him. "Why are you doing all of this for me? How could I ever repay this much kindness?"

Barry frowned. "You owe me nothing, Iris."

Iris chuckled. "How can you say I owe you nothing, Barry? You're risking your career, your very life to clean up my mess." She softened. "I owe you _everything_. I don't know how I could ever pay you back."

Barry gently brushed a tear out of her eye. "You don't get it, do you Iris? I don't know all of the experiences you've had with people and kindness but my kindness isn't something that you pay back. I'm doing this for you because I want to, because it's the right thing to do. You owe me _nothing_ , I expect nothing and there's no hidden agenda. I want to be your friend and I want to help you."

Iris looked at him, took in the truth of his words and gently squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Barry. I don't even know what to say, but thank you. What you're doing for me, it means more than I could ever tell you."

Barry gently squeezed her hand back. "You're welcome, Iris. Also, you don't have to worry about Kara either. She was a victim just like you. I won't be pursuing her."

"You know...Mick almost raped her because of me." Iris admitted.

Barry inhaled sharply. It was still hard to hear these things about Mick. He thought he‘d known him so well.. "That wasn't your fault either," He replied firmly as he saw the guilt in her eyes. "Mick was sick, and whatever he did because of _him_ , not you."

"Even so," Iris sighed. "I'll never forgive myself for what he almost did to her. I still remember everything....from the moment we got the call...."

  
_"So," Iris laughed. "What are you gonna get Kara for her birthday?"_

_"I haven't decided." Mon-El said with serious thought. "I really want it to be special though..."_

_"Whatever you get her, she'll love." Iris assured him._

_A ringing cell phone interrupted their care-free conversation._

_"Ah...that's mine." Mon-El said, flipping the cell phone open. "Hello?"_

_Iris watched Mon-El's eyes go from curious to fearful, to down-right furious._

_"Mon-El?" Iris questioned concerned._

_Mon-El was shaking his head with fury, his whole body was just shaking._

_"Honey?" Iris questioned again, scared. "What is it?"_

_Mon-El said nothing, he flipped the phone closed and took off down the isle way, almost like he was in a race._

_"Mon-El!” Iris yelled, running after him. He was scaring her._

_Iris caught his arm, and he spun around, fury in his eyes._

_"I can't stop, Iris! That **psycho** has Kara!" Mon-El yelled, turning back around and heading out._

_Iris walked after him, no longer confused. She knew exactly who was responsible for this fury._

  
"....to the moment we walked into that room...."

  
_Mon-El charged into the apartment, with Iris hot on his heels._

_She followed him all the way up to the room, the screams were coming from._

_When they walked in the room, Iris stopped, her hand instantly flying to her mouth in horror._

_Mick was on top of Kara, her best friend....and he had her shirt torn off..._

_Mon-El charged up to them. "Get your fucking hands off of my girl!" He grabbed Mick by the shirt and slung him across the room._

_Mon-El was about to go after him on the floor, but turned to his girlfriend, her well-being more important than his need to pummel that prick into next week. "Baby, you okay?" Mon-El's tone was instantly gentle, but urgent._

_Kara nodded her head tearfully. "Yeah, yeah. I'm okay." She tried to give him a small smile, but she was still terrified._

_Iris was suddenly right by the bed. "Kara, I'm so sorry." Iris profusely apologized. "I'm so so so--"_

_"No," Kara shook her head. "That man has taken enough from you, Iris. Don't let him make you feel guilty for his crimes too."_

_"She's right, Iris." Mon-El agreed. "None of this is your fault."_

_Mon-El gently kissed his girlfriend's forehead, and gently patted his friend's shoulder in a comforting, but supporting way._

_Mon-El walked over to Mick, who was coughing up blood. He grabbed him by his shirt and slung him against the wall, his fist holding him there firmly. "It's not enough for you to terrorize my friend, but you gotta terrorize the woman I **love** also?!"_

_Mick coughed. "Just making a point...."_

_"Yeah, well I got your fucking point." Mon-El said furiously. "Now, you get mine! You ever touch Kara or Iris ever again, I will fucking end you!"_

_Mick just smiled, getting his desired reaction._

_"You think this is funny?" Mon-El accused. "Maybe I oughtta just end you right now!"_

_Kara was scared. She'd never seen her boyfriend so furious before._

_"Iris, I think he's really gonna kill him." She whispered. “We have to do something…”_

_Iris had had enough. Enough violence, and enough of being scared. She grabbed the gun that was laying on the night-stand, the one that Mick had obviously threatened Kara with, and she pointed it at a painting on the wall and fired._

_The shot was enough to startle both men. Mon-El backed off hesitantly to look at Iris in shock._

_"What the hell are you doing?!" Mon-El yelled. "I'm doing you a favor!"_

_"No," Iris shook her head. "you're doing **yourself** a favor. Well, I've got news for you....if anyone kills this son of a bitch, it's gonna be me!"_

_"Baby, you know you don't mean that." Mick shook his head smugly. "You know you still love me. You know we belong together."_

_"No, we don't!" Iris screamed enraged. When the hell was he gonna realize she didn‘t love him anymore? That she was done? "I hate you, and I as much as I would **love** to see Mon-El murder you with his bare hands, I care about him and Kara too much to allow him to do something that would ruin his life."_

_Mon-El saw the wisdom in her words and immediately backed off of Mick. "Get out of here." He said coldly. "I ever see you near either one of them again.....you won't be so lucky."_

_"Baby, come on....let's just go home and we'll sort all of this out." Mick said sweetly._

_"Get the fuck out of here." Iris spoke calmly. "What Mon-El says goes both ways. You ever touch me or Kara again, I'll put the fucking bullet in your head, instead of in that painting on the wall over there." She threatened._

_Mick just shook his head at her. "You're gonna regret this, Iris."_

  
"As wrong as it is," Iris continued, coming back to the present. "sometimes...in my darkest times...I wish I would've let Mon-El kill him."

"That's a normal feeling to have." Barry said softly.

"Maybe so, but it's wrong on so many levels, Barry." Iris stated. "I hate knowing everyday that I'm the reason that a man is no longer alive. You'll never be able to help your brother, Barry. I killed him. I murdered him. I took that away from you. I took it away from your whole family. I don't know how you can even look at me, let alone want to be my friend."

"Iris, none of this was YOUR fault." Barry insisted. "Mick terrorized you for so long. If you hadn't done what you did, he probably would've wound up killing you at some point. I'm a cop. I know all about cases of domestic abuse. And let me tell you, 95% of them end in death."

Iris just nodded.

"Even if he were still alive...I'd want nothing to do with him because of what he's done to you." Barry told her firmly. "Any man who could do those disgusting, awful things....well, they're no family of mine."

"Barry..." Iris trailed off. "I don't want you to lose your job because you're trying to protect me. I couldn‘t live with myself if that happened."

"Don't worry about that." Barry replied. He knew what he was doing was a possibility…if he got found out that is. He didn’t plan on getting found out and he was pretty sure that wouldn’t be an issue. "I promise you that I will take care of everything. You're not gonna go to jail, I promise you that."

"That's not important to me anymore, Barry." Iris shook her head. "I don't want you to pay for my mistakes."

"Everything's gonna be alright." Barry assured her. "I promise. Just....trust me."

Iris laughed. "The funny thing is....I do. I do trust you, Barry. I trust you more than I've trusted anyone in a long time."

"I promise I'll never make you regret trusting me." Barry assured her.

Iris just smiled slowly.

Barry got up, and took her hand in his. "Now, we're gonna walk out that door, and I'm gonna drive you home."

"Ok." Iris was still uncertain and still worried for him, but she trusted him.

"And...none of this ever happened." Barry said. "You never confessed....as far as anyone else is concerned. I asked you a few questions, and you cleared everything up for me about the case. So, as far as everyone else will know...this was about drugs, and the mob. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Do you really think that will work?" Iris asked warily. “And you don’t need some kind of statement?”

"I thought you trusted me, Iris." Barry teased lightly. “And I don’t need a statement. As far as anyone will know, your alibi checked out. There’s no way you could’ve possibly done it.”

Iris nodded. “I do trust you.”

Barry smiled. "Then everything is gonna be just fine."

Iris just smiled again, trying to stay positive.

"C'mon." Barry coaxed her gently. "Lets get out of here."


	10. Never be alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara reveals a secret to Iris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty heavily Kara/Mon-El focused. I hope my West Allen readers still enjoy though! And don't worry the next chapter will be very heavily WestAllen focused. And I think you all will really like it! So stay tuned!

Chapter 10

 

 

*Three Months Later*

*New York City*  
*Kara and Iris's Apartment*

  
Kara bolted awake in her bed by a blood-curdling scream.

She looked frantically around the room for any sign of an intruder, but she sadly realized what it was when her eyes landed on her best friend’s shaking form sitting up-right in bed.

"Hey," Kara said softly to Iris, as she made her way over to her bed. "Iris....you alright?"

Iris wiped tears off her face, her body still shaking. "I'll never be alright, Kara." She breathed heavily. “Never.”

Kara just looked down, wanting so badly to help her friend, but there was nothing she could do.

Iris got out of bed, and changed her clothes. She put on a pair of jeans, and a sweater.

"You going out again?" It wasn't a question, more of a statement.

"Yeah." Iris nodded. "I need some air."

"You know," Kara picked her words carefully. "you're not the only one that Mick hurt."

"You'll never understand what he did to me, Kara." Iris shook her head. "You'll never...you weren't there."

"No, I wasn't." Kara agreed. "He tried to rape me, Iris." Her eyes grew dark as she revisited the worst time in her life. "Yeah, you and Mon-El got there in time and stopped it, but....you weren't there before that. You don't know what he did to me." Tears rolled down Kara's face. "You don't know what he made me do."

Iris stopped, her hand frozen on the doorknob. She slowly turned around to face Kara horror stricken.

"Kara, are you saying…did he _do_ something to you?" Iris asked, her eyes wide.

"Yeah." Kara nodded, breathing deeply. "And like you," She choked. "I never talk about it. I never wanna talk about it, cause talking about it....it makes it real. It's too hard," She cried. "it hurts _too_ much to think about."

"Kara," Iris was at a loss of what to say. She thought that Kara was fine. She thought that it never went that far, but she was clearly wrong. "I'm so sorry," She broke off, tears in her voice.

"Don't." Kara held her hand up, and shook her head. Both signals that she wanted no apology. "I didn't blame you then, and I don't blame you now."

Iris just shook her head, tears rapidly streaming down her face.

"I just wanted you to know...I wanted you to get that I do understand about what happened to you." Kara was keeping her voice controlled, intent on not breaking down right now.

"Kara, does Mon-El know?" Iris asked softly.

"No." Kara shook her head, her eyes tortured. "If I'd told him....he would've killed Mick and saved you the trouble. And…“ She looked down ashamed. “I know he would've never looked at me the same way again."

"Kara," Iris gasped softly. "that is not true! Mon-El _loves_ you. He would want to know what Mick did to you, what he made you do...he would want to help you."

"I don't want anyone's help." Kara defiantly replied. "It's over, and nothing can ever take it away. Like you, Iris...I'll never really be alright."

At this point, both girls were silently crying, they didn't realize when the door opened until a voice filled the air.

"Hey, girls! I thought we'd get an early breakfast..." Mon El's cheery voice trailed off, when he saw both of the girl's faces. "What's going on?" He asked softly.

"Kara," Iris began, not acknowledging Mon-El's question. "I really think you should te---"

"Iris, no!" Kara said sharply, tears still rolling down her face. "I don't tell you what to do about your feelings, so don't you dare start telling me what to do about mine."

Iris was silent. She didn’t know what to do. She wanted to help Kara so badly and she really believed that telling Mon-El was the best thing…but if Kara didn’t want that…

"Just go." Kara said, her voice softer. "Go on your walk."

Mon-El didn't repeat his question, he just stood there silent. He know something had to be wrong, but figured he'd wait til Iris left and then ask Kara. She always was more open when it was just the two of them.

"Kara I don't know," Iris shook her head. "I don't wanna leave like this."

"I'll be fine!" Kara forced her voice to raise in a laugh, pretending like everything was normal. "I got Mon-El here." She finished, her voice dropping to a softer level. A level that only she and Iris understood.

“Ok," Iris replied softly. “but I have my cell, so call me if you need me.“

Iris turned around and walked out the door.

"Kara?" Mon-El's voice was gentle as he walked over to her and touched her arm. "Why are you crying?"

Kara stood up, and quickly wiped her tears away. "I'm not! I just have....I have allergies, remember?" She tried to fake laugh it off.

Mon-El shook his head in disappointment that she would even try to lie to him right now. "Kara, don't even try that. Not with _me_."

She was close to crumbling and she knew it. She had to get out of that room. She couldn't break down, then she'd have to tell him why.

"You know what? I think Iris had the right idea." Kara said softly. "I'm gonna go for a walk."

"So, you're lying to me and you're avoiding me." Mon-El stated, a tinge of anger in his voice.

"Babe--" Kara tried to explain, but he cut her off.

"Don't call me that right now." Mon-El said with a shake of his head. "Don't talk to me as if this is ok."

Kara's face crumbled. "Please, don't be this way."

Although, it broke Mon-El's heart to see Kara in any kind of pain, he wasn't going to let it rule him. It was really pissing him off that after everything they'd been through together, she was gonna go several steps back and start shutting down on him again.

"How should I be, Kara?" Mon-El demanded. "Honestly, how should I be?"

Kara's arms were folded across her chest, she was openly crying and shaking her head back and forth. "I uh...I don't know.."

"You're clearly upset, and you won't talk to me. You just shake your head and try to blame your cries on something as bullshit as allergies when you and I both know that the only damn thing you're allergic to is cats!" Mon-El shook his head, still in disbelief over her latest lie. "Allergies. _Allergies_ , Kara?! Really?!" He yelled.

Kara took a few steps back, not used to hearing him raise his voice at her. The last time he'd raised his voice at her was....well, it was the last time they'd had a real fight. They didn't have those often.

"Don't talk to me like that." Kara shook her head. "Just don't..."

"Don't? Don't what, Kara?" Mon-El's voice softened, he wasn't really pissed at her, he was just pissed at what she was doing to them. "Don't try to get you to tell me what's wrong? Don't care? Don't love?" He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I didn't know I got a choice in either of those feelings."

Kara turned away from him, and leaned her crumbled face into the door, she fell down against it, as her body shook with cries.

Mon-El's face immediately softened at seeing the woman he loved break down in the corner of the door.

"Baby," Mon-El kneeled down to her level, and gently placed a hand on her shaking shoulder. "what is going on with you?"

Mon-El didn't understand this breakdown at all. The last time she'd broken down like this was after Mick had almost raped her, but he'd gotten through to her and they'd been fine. He couldn't imagine what could've possibly happened to reduce her to this.

"Don't ask me for something that you don't wanna know." Kara cried, as she shook his hand off of her shoulder, but Mon-El refused to let her push him away like this. He pulled her body onto his lap, and he gently, but firmly held her in place.

"Don't wanna know?" Mon-El asked incredulously. "Kara, you're my girlfriend. I'm in love with you. You're _everything_ in the world to me, and you don't think I wanna know what's gotten you like _this_?!"

Kara looked at him through tear-filled eyes. "I don't want you to hate me. I couldn‘t _bare_ it."

"Hate you?" Mon-El gasped. "Baby, I love you. Nothing on this earth could ever change that."

"I cheated on you, Mon-El." Kara whispered softly.

Mon-El let go of her in shock and hurt. "You, what?" He asked in disbelief.

Kara stoop up, hurt how quickly he let go but knew it was gonna happen. "It happened five yea--"

"I don't care if it fucking happened a decade ago!" Mon-El cut her off furiously. "I cannot believe this, Kara!"

"Babe," Kara's voice was small, as she tried to explain to him the truth. “please just listen..”

"Do not fucking call me that ever again!" Mon-El yelled at her, tears stinging his eyes. "Don't talk to me like you love me. If you did, you never would've fucked some other guy to begin with!"

"Please, you don't understand!" Kara cried as she tried to grab his arm but he shrugged her off almost violently.

"Understand what?!" Mon-El spat coldly. "Understand that the woman I love is nothing but a liar and a cheater?!" He roughly wiped away his tears even as more were making their way into his eyes. "Fuck, Kara! I thought I could trust you! After everything that we have..."

"I didn't want to!" Kara screamed through her cries. "He made me!"

Mon-El was silent as he watched Kara sob into her hands.

A few moments ago, he was so furious and so hurt that she'd betray him this way, and now...now he wasn't sure what to be. Kara wasn't making any sense to him. At first, he'd been so angry at the mere idea that he didn't know what he was saying. He still didn't know. Only thing he did know was that he loved her more than anything, and he didn't wanna say anymore things that he may regret later. He wanted the truth, all of it.

"Kara, I don't understand what you're trying to tell me." Mon-El kept his voice calm, not wanting to yell at her again, as that clearly wasn't helping matters any. "Are you saying you were forced into cheating on me?" He shook his head. "That doesn't even make any sense."

"Mon-El, I love you." Kara cried out. "I never would want to betray you like that in any way, but Mick threatened you and--"

"Mick?!" Mon-El spat angrily. Kara flinched back, and his eyes softened. "This is all about him?"

Kara nodded her head rapidly.

"Kara, that wasn't..." Mon-El couldn't believe that this was still eating at her this much. And to this extent. "You did not cheat on me." He told her firmly. "That bastard attacked you. That wasn't your fault."

"Before you and Iris got there..." Kara looked down, unable to face him. "He made me do things..."

"What things?" Mon-El asked her confused and concerned as he gently reached out held her face.

"Sexual things. Things that you and I would do...Things I've let you do to me, but that I haven't been able to do to you since." Kara confessed ashamed.

"Oh my God." Mon-El's body was shaking with fury. If that pig were still alive...what he would do to him....

Kara stood up, she couldn't stay and hear what he thought of her, she had to get out.

Mon-El's arm caught her hand before she could turn the door-knob. "Kara, wait please…”

"He threatened to kill you." Kara whispered. "He said that if I didn't do what he wanted, if I fought him on it...he'd make me watch you die."

"Oh, baby..." Mon-El was ashamed of himself, of the way he just flew off the handle at her. He should've known it couldn't have meant what she'd made it out to be. "I'm so sorry for what I said to you..." He gently held her hand against his chest.

"I fought him anyway, and that's when he held the gun to my head, he said he'd take me by gun, find you and make me watch him kill you." Kara's voice was slightly calmer, but her body was still shaking. "I know what you think of me now. I know you don't see me the same way as before."

Mon El's head shot up, he looked her in the eyes. "Kara..” His eyes were pained.

Kara's voice cracked as more tears streamed down her face. "I know you think I'm dirty now, and--"

Mon-El couldn't let another second go by without holding her. He took her in his arms, even as she fought him, and held her firmly there, his hands tangled in her hair, gently holding her.

"You're not dirty, baby." Mon-El whispered into her hair. "You're beautiful." He kisses her hair. "You're so beautiful and I love you so much. I am so sorry."

Kara melted further into his embrace, taking comfort from him that he was so willingly offering her. "Ba--" She abruptly stopped, unsure. "Can I call you Babe again?" Her voice was small.

Mon-El closed his eyes in deep regret, as his angry words came back at him. "Always, baby." He gently kissed the side of her face. "I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I'm so sorry, Kara."

"I'm sorry too, Mon-El." Kara whispered. "I'm sorry for making you think I was fine all this time. I'm sorry for lying."

"I understand, baby." Mon-El held her tighter to him. "I understand."


	11. Tell me what you feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Iris talk about their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure what you all will think about this chapter but I hope you like it and can't wait to hear your thoughts!

Chapter 11

 

 

  
*New York City*  
*Barry Allen & Mon-El Jacob's Penthouse*

  
Barry Allen awoke to knocking on his door. He groaned, annoyed at being disturbed from his sleep at... he rolled over to check the clock, 6:30 a.m.

Barry sat up in bed. "Six-thirty in the morning?" He groaned.

Barry rolled out of bed, and threw a t-shirt on, as he walked down the stairs to see who had disturbed him at this hour.

His first thought was that it was Mon-El. They'd became roommates a couple months ago.

"I swear...that guy needs to learn to takes his keys when he leaves the damn house!" Barry griped, as he took the stairs two at a time. "One of these days, I'm not gonna take mercy, and then the dude will be SOL."

Barry swung the door open, lecture already coming out of his mouth. "Mon-El, how many times do I have to say it?! Take your _damn_ keys when yo---" He broke off, as he looked up to see not Mon-El, but Iris West.

He could tell this wasn't a happy surprise visit, because her face was tear-streaked.

"I'm sorry, I woke you up." Iris apologized, although it was a mumble, like she wasn't even aware what she was doing.

"It's okay, Iris." Barry replied softly, watching her warily. He was worried about her.

"I should just go." Iris said, already turning to leave. "You don't need this...not at this hour."

Barry reached out and grabbed her arm before she could leave. "How about you let me decide what I need, okay?"

Barry gently lead her by the arm into his house, and shut the door.

"No," Iris pulled back. "I should go walk some more. I'm not thinking straight and walking helps me---"

"I think you've done enough walking, Sweetheart." Barry told her, taking in her rain-soaked appearance.

"It helps me think straight." Iris continued, her voice out of it.

"Listen," Barry said carefully. "why don't I give you some dry clothes, and then we'll straighten all of this out over some tea or something, okay?"

Iris slowly nodded, thinking it over. "Okay."

A few minutes later, after Iris had changed into a pair of Barry's baggy sweats and t-shirt, they were both seated at the bar-counter in the kitchen, Iris on one side, and Barry on the other.

"You wanna tell me what happened?" Barry gently broke the silence.

Iris looked up absentminded from her cup of tea. "Hmm?"

"You show up here at six-thirty in the morning looking like a drowned rat." Barry states, a mixture of amusement and concern. "That alone tells me that something is clearly wrong. You wanna talk about it, or do you wanna just sit here in silence? Cause I can do that too. We can sit here all morning and just say nothing. I'm okay with that." He was letting her know that he wasn't gonna push her.

"How about forever?" Iris blurted before thinking it through. Something that she only did with Barry. She somehow never seemed to have a filter on her thoughts when she was with him.

Barry's head darted up to look into her eyes. Out of everything she could've said to him, that was the last thing he'd ever expected to hear from her.

"Iris," Barry said seriously. "what are you trying to ask me?"

"Forever." Iris repeated, true honesty coming out of her. "That's a word that I used to only ever see with Mick. I fooled myself for so long into thinking that was it. And after he died---" She ran a hand over her tired face. "After I _killed_ him, I thought that forever was never gonna happen to me ever again. Remember, Barry? That's what I told you all those months ago in that interrogation room. When you said I was in your heart, you terrified me. Mick said he loved me, and he did nothing but hurt me and---"

"I'm not Mick." Barry interrupted her with a frown. "I would _never_ hurt you like that, Iris. I would never hurt you, period."

"I believe you when you say that, Barry." Iris softly said. "I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone in a long time, and that's been scaring me. The last person I trusted was him, and he just violated it in the worst way possible, and I told myself that I wasn't gonna let you in. I told myself that I wasn't gonna be stupid again."

Barry gently covered her hand with his. "You're not stupid. You never were."

"I thought forever was gone. That it was just not in the cards for me a second time." Iris looked into his eyes, a small tear rolling down her face. "But when I'm with yo--" Her voice cracked. "When I'm with you, I start to believe that maybe I was wrong. So, what I was trying to ask you is...can we sit here forever, Barry? Can we just stay in this place? In this place where nothing can hurt me anymore, cause you're there. Because you make it all go away."

"I wish we could, Sweetheart." Barry admitted softly. "I wish that I could do that for you. I wish that I could just make everything Mick did to you never happen, but I can't do that. I can't take it all away, and make it never have happened to you." He shook his head, trying to make her understand. "I can listen to you. I can be there for you and I can love you, like I've loved you all along. I can make it alright for you now, but I can't undo the past. No one can."

Iris looked up, the words slightly stunning her. "You love me?"

Barry gently gave her a smile, intertwining his fingers with hers. "I think you already know the answer to that, but yes. I do love you, Iris. I've loved you since the moment you gave me that failed mixed drink. What about you?" His smile slightly faded as nervousness set in. "Do you love me, Iris?"

Iris looked torn for a moment before, before getting up and moving to sit closer to him. "The moment that I saw you, I felt both excitement and fear all at the same time. There's something I never told you about the making of that failed mixed drink." She chuckled, looking slightly embarrassed.

Barry looked up at her in amusement and confusion. "What?" He gently brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes.

Iris breathed deeply, his touch alone making her feel the same things she'd felt in the very first split second she'd seen him but had tried to pretend she hadn't. "I didn't mess the drink up because you intimidated me or because I was afraid of you. I mean, I was afraid but for an entirely different reason. I didn't let myself focus on it or even admit it for longer than the moment I felt it but, when I saw you for the first time in a long time I wanted to kiss someone. I wanted to kiss _you_."

"Iris," Barry whispered, gently running his fingers along her face. "I felt the same thing. I was trying so hard to just do what I'd come to this town to do, but I felt it too. I still do."

"Me too." Iris whispered, her eyes closed as she leaned in further and closer to his touch. "I've tried not to feel it because I didn't think you could still feel this way after you knew everything. You do and I do..."

"You, what?" Barry whispered as he gently pulled her face closer to his, their lips a mere inch apart. "Tell me, Iris." His other hand gently pulled her up, slightly leaning her against the island of the bar. "Tell me what you feel."

Iris was breathing heavily against him. "I love the way you listened to me. I love the way you were there for me when I was completely losing myself in the darkness of the memories." Iris looked into his caring eyes that were looking at her so intensely. "I love the way you risked everything for me without a second thought. I woke up early this morning from the worst nightmare I'd had in a while. I told Kara I was never gonna be alright again."

She gently touched his face that was filled with concern and care for her. "Somehow standing here with you, and feeling what I am...what you make me feel just being in your presence. I feel like maybe I could one day be completely ok again. I do love you, Barry for everything you are and everything that you make me feel. What I feel right now is that I want you to kiss me.."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Barry crashed his lips to hers tenderly but passionately.


	12. I love you more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Iris hit a misunderstanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So nervous bout this chapter. I really hope you guys like it and please please leave your thoughts!

Chapter 12

 

Iris wrapped her arms around his neck as she felt him gently lower his pants that were on her, and she stepped out of them as he gently lifted her up, her legs automatically wrapping around his waist.

"Barry," She moaned as she felt him gently sucking on the pulse point of her neck.

"Iris," Barry groaned as he gently let his hand wander underneath the shirt he'd given her. "God Sweetheart, you are so beautiful."

"Barry," She whispered against his lips, her hand touching his chest when she felt his clothed groin pressed against her. The situation suddenly becoming too intense, more than she herself felt ready for. "I..."

Barry immediately pulled back, halting his movements the moment he felt her pushing against his chest.

Barry looked into her eyes concerned, immediately seeing the hesitation mixed in with slight fear in them and he gently kissed her forehead as he let her down. "I'm sorry, Sweetheart." He murmured gently. "You're not ready for this, are you?"

Tears stung Iris's eyes as she gripped his shirt. "No," She whispered, her voice choked. "I'm sorry."

Barry shook his head as he gently wiped away a few of her tears. "Hey, hey don't be sorry. Iris, the fact that you could open your heart to me...that you would _let_ me kiss you, that would would even let me touch you considering who I'm connected to..."

Iris looked at him, stunned at what he thought. "Why wouldn't I? Barry, you're amazing. You're kind and you're honest. You're incredibly handsome." She smiled as she saw him blush. "You may be related to the worst thing that ever happened to me, but I don't see or think of Mick when I'm with you. Not anymore. Not since you helped me out of my panic attack all those months ago in the interrogation room."

Now Barry looked stunned, a felt a tear sting his eye. "Iris, do you really mean that? You really don't see Mick when you're with me? It's not why you wanted me to stop?" He had feared that in someway him being related to the bastard that raped her would cause her to not feel safe with him, that Mick would somehow always be in their way.

Iris gently touched Barry's face and felt his hand hold hers against his cheek.

"Of course, I don't. Barry, when I first met you at the bar and I found out who you were I didn't know what to think. Then, I talked to you. I told you what happened to me and what I wound up doing to Mick as a result and you never once judged me for it. You went above and beyond and risked everything you have and stand for just to help me. You took risks for me, Barry. Mick never risked one damn thing for me. He would never give anything up for me. You're different from him. So, no I don't see Mick when I'm with you and I didn't stop you because you happen to be related to him by blood." She explained to him honestly.

Barry looked into her eyes as if searching them for answers, and than it hit him as his gaze softened. "You haven't done anything like this since Mick, have you?"

Iris looked away, the embarrassment already setting in but she felt him gently turn her face back to look at him. "That obvious, huh?" She whispered.

"I can just read you." Barry gently wiped a tear out of her eye. "Iris, I'm not naive enough to think that I'm not responsible in some way for your pain..."

Iris looked at him, her features growing confused and pained. Pained that these months later Barry was still blaming himself for what someone else had done to her. "Bear, you're not in any way responsible for my issues. I didn't blame you when I found out who you were and I don't blame you now. I wish you would believe me..."

Barry gently kissed her forehead before moving back to look into her eyes. "I do believe you, Sweetheart. I just can't help but feel the responsibility all the same. It means alot that you don't blame me. I don't know how you couldn't, how you can even let me touch you. It means the world to me that you trust me the way that you do."

Barry gently took her hand, leading her to his couch. They both sat down and he gently pulled the blanket that was on the couch, covering her exposed legs with it. "Iris, when I saw that you wanted me to stop...I also saw fear in your eyes. If," He sighed and gently kissed her hand. "If you weren't afraid of me than what were you afraid of? Did I do something that reminded you of---"

"No!" Iris blurted, quickly stopping his thought. "Barry, it wasn't you. It wasn't anything you did and I am not afraid of you. I was afraid of disappointing you."

Barry frowned. "Disappointing me? Iris, why would you think that?"

Iris blinked back tears as she looked down, nervously playing with the blanket that was covering her legs.

Barry gently placed his hand on hers, stopping her nervous movements and causing her to look at him. "Hey, please...baby you can tell me anything. Please just talk to me, Iris."

Iris felt a warm feeling go through her at what he'd called her. "Barry, you have done so much for me. You knew me for a grand total of three days before you decided to take the biggest risk ever by destroying police evidence for me. You've been there for me. You were nothing but patient and kind when I completely broke down on you that day in interrogation. You weren't even annoyed with me when I showed up here, disturbing your sleep at six thirty in the morning. I..."

Barry frowned. Her train of thought worrying him. "Iris, you don't feel like you owe me....do you?"

"Of course I do." Iris replied passionately. "It's like I said all those months ago. I owe you _everything_ , more than I could ever repay..."

Barry removed his hand, feeling hurt and offended. He couldn't believe how stupid he'd been. Was all of her feelings for him really nothing more than gratitude? The thought made him sick.

Iris frowned seeing the hurt on his face and the way he'd pulled back. "Barry?" She gently touched his arm, only to have to him pull it back as if she'd burned it.

Barry stood up, taking a deep breath before turning to face her. "Let me make something _very_ clear to you, Iris." His voice slightly cold. "I didn't help you, I didn't become your friend...tell you how I feel---" He broke off the very thought of what it seemed she had meant pissing him off and breaking his heart at the same time. "I didn't do _all_ of that," He gestured his arms out. "with the intention of you paying me back with your body."

Iris looked at him stunned, tears entering her eyes as she'd realized she'd given him the very wrong idea. "Barry, that's not what I---"

Barry cut her off, too upset to listen to anymore. "When it stops pouring, you should probably leave."

Iris quickly stood up, making her way to him grabbing his face even as he refused to look at her. She couldn't bare the idea that he thought all she felt for him was a debt to be paid.

"Barry, please you have all of this wrong!" Iris cried out firmly. "It's true that I am beyond grateful to you but---"

"I think you made that pretty fucking _clear_ , Iris." Barry snapped heatedly, refusing to look at her because if he did it would only hurt him more.

"Not clear enough!" Iris snapped back. "Barry, I need you to look at me!"

When Barry wouldn't budge, Iris slightly shook him. "Barry!"

"I can't!" Barry yelled, angry that tears were once again entering his eyes for her to see. "I _can't_ look at you, Iris." He quietly murmured. "Not when all you feel for me is gratitude and it's being mixed with love you don't really feel."

"That's not true!" Iris cried out, becoming desperate to make him understand. "Barry, _of course_ I love you! If I'm being honest the love that I feel for you is different from anything I've ever felt before. Sometimes it scares me, but I'm not scared _of_ you. And I'm not here wanting to be with you just so I can pay you back for what you did for me! It's so much deeper than that. We're standing here fighting and you're as angry as I've ever seen you but you're not hurting me and I'm not scared."

Barry finally did look at her, his eyes softening when he saw her tears and the way she was looking at him. "That's because I'm not a monster, Iris." He quietly replied as he gently touched her face, feeling her free hand coming up to hold his there. "No matter what happens between us, I could never hurt you."

"That's why I love you, and that's why I want to be with you." Iris quietly whispered. "Not because I feel like I owe you that, or because you're safe even though you are safe. I love you and I want to be with you because of who you are, and what you make me feel. I never loved Mick the way that I love you because I never really trusted him or felt safe. I love you more because I trust you and I do feel safe." She let out a small laugh. "I feel safe to fight with you and that's not something I've ever had before."

Barry looked into her eyes, seeing the truth in them and in her words. He still needed to be sure this was real for her. "Iris, please don't lie to me. I will be here for you and I will help you whether you're with me or not, but please don't lie to me." Tears stung his eyes, as much as she had been afraid to let him in, he was even more afraid to lose her. He was terrified that while he was already so deeply in love with her that he maybe didn't even really have her.

Iris pulled his face close to hers, leaning her head against his. "I'm _not_ lying, Barry. I love you whether you're able to shield me from my past actions or not, I love you. I love you so deeply in such a short amount of time, but I know that it's real. It's _more_ real than anything I've ever felt. I'm so sorry I made you think otherwise. When I said I didn't wanna disappoint you, I meant that I didn't want to be unfair to you. I told you I wanted to be with you, but I was worried it might disappoint you if you had to wait for other--"

Barry's eyes snapped up to meet hers, his instantly going soft. "Iris," He gently touched her face. "I want to be with you for more than just what you can give me. Whether or not you can have sex with me right away isn't some deal-breaker. I thought you at least knew me a bit better than that..."

"You're the first man I've been with that hasn't demanded more than I'm comfortable giving. I wasn't sure how far that would go. Please, Barry..." She whispered as a tear rolled down her face. "I can't lose you when I've just found you."

Barry looked into her eyes, breathing a sigh of relief as he gently kissed where her tear had fallen. "I can't lose you either, Iris."

"Barry," Iris breathed, wanting him closer to her. "please..."

"Please, what?" Barry whispered, his hand already gripping the side of her hip to lift her up.

Iris was pulling him closer to her. "Please, kiss me."

The moment the words left her mouth, Barry's lips crashed onto hers heatedly as her arms wrapped around his neck as she intensely kissed him back.


	13. I want to be with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry talks to Iris about his past and makes a confession

Chapter 13

  
"Barry?" Iris quietly murmured.

"Hm?" Barry gently responded as he held her to him on his bed. 

"What happened to you?" Iris had turned to look at him and was gently touching his arm. 

Barry looked at her confused by her question. "What do you mean?"

"You said I restarted your heart, and you..." Iris hesitated unsure if he even wanted to talk about it.

"You don't have to be afraid to ask me something, Iris." Barry gently ran his hand along her arm. 

"Downstairs, before...you, it seemed like you almost _expected_ that I would just be with you because I'm grateful." Iris finally said. 

Barry sighed. "Yeah, before I met you there was this girl I'd briefly dated maybe a couple years ago. When I'd first met her I had pulled her over for running a red light. She was totally hysterical, claiming that her brother was dying in the hospital. So, of course I felt horrible and I let her go. I'd ran into her maybe a week later, and I wound up asking her out for coffee. We went on maybe three or four dates before I ended up finding out that there was no brother and she'd made the entire thing up. She'd offered to go out again as a way to make up for the lie and I wanted no part of it. I immediately cut off all communication with her and that was that."

"Barry, I'm so sorry." Iris whispered softly. "I'm sorry you were used like that. That's horrible."

Barry nodded as he lightly held her hand. "Yeah, she well she wasn't the last one to do it. It happened quite a few times actually. I guess you could say it eventually made me not to want to help anymore or to care." He looked up at her and smiled softly. "Until you, that is. When I met you in the bar, I was attracted to you right away. I tried not to be, and you evading my questions really annoyed me. And then I talked to Mo-" He quickly cut himself off, remembering that he'd promised Mon-El he wouldn't let her know he'd given him previous information about Mick. 

Iris frowned confused. "You talked to who?"

Barry sighed, he couldn't lie to her even if it would be by omission. Mon-El was just going to have to understand. "Iris, I need to tell you something. I probably should've told you months ago but I was trying to keep my promise to my friend and I---" He breathed deeply. "I talked to Mon-El after I first talked to you that day I met you."

Iris was stunned. "You talked to Mon-El. About, what?" She caught to guilt in his eyes and backed away from him slightly. "You asked him about Mick."

"He didn't want me to get the wrong idea about what had gone on with you and Mick." Barry admitted softly. "He told me what Mick did to you. He didn't tell me alot of details but he told me that Mick had raped you. I knew that part before you went into interrogation with me." He looking her over, concerned by her silence. "Iris, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before."

Iris finally looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "Is that why you helped me? Did you feel sorry for me or feel like you owed me something because Mick happened to be your brother?"

Barry could read the unspoken question in her tearful eyes. _Is that why you're with me?_

"Iris, no of course not." Barry stated firmly, gently tugging her back closer to him. "I wanted to help you regardless of all that, and I never felt sorry for you. Iris, I was amazed by you. You went through much and yet you persevered."

Iris sighed. "Yeah, well I had to. It's not like anyone was gonna do any of that for me. I think the only reason I never gave up at all was Kara. She was always there for me, no matter what. I wouldn't have been a very good friend if I paid back all of her support by just giving up. As it was, I took way longer than I ever should have to get it right as it was."

Barry gently kissed the back of her hand. "I think you don't really give yourself enough credit, Iris. Not everyone could get through what you did. I admired you then and I admire you now."

Iris smiled softly. "Thanks, Barry. That means alot to me. You always seem to see the best in me."

Barry gently brushed a strand of hair out of her eye. "It's pretty easy to do. You're the best person I've ever met, Iris." He was quiet for a moment before, becoming serious. "Are we ok, Iris?"

Iris moved closer to Barry, gently kissing him. "Of course, we are. If you can literally forgive me for what I did to your family, I think I can forgive you for one secret. It's not like you meant any harm. If I'm being honest, I'm not entirely thrilled with Mon-El for taking it upon himself to do what he did."

"You didn't do anything to my family," Barry shook his head, wishing he could convince her of that. "and Mon-El had your best interest at heart."

"I'm sure he did." Iris replied, acknowledging that fact. "I'm just not all that happy he did it. It means alot to me that you don't hold what I did to Mick against me, but I think I'll always blame myself in some way. You lost your sister and than you lost your brother..."

Barry gently stroked her cheek. "I lost Mick way before you pulled that trigger, Iris. If things hadn't gone that way and he had lived, I'd be building a case against him right now. I would never want anything to do with him again. The moment he chose to become and abuser and a rapist, he quit being my brother. You're not responsible for that and I really hope one day you can believe that. You shouldn't have to carry the weight of that."

"I want to," Iris softly whispered. "I want to believe that."

Barry caught the pained look in her eyes. "What is it, Sweetheart?" He gently asked.

"What if one day you resent helping me?" Iris finally voiced her fear. 

Barry immediately shook his head as he looked at her firmly and intensely. "That's not possible, Iris. I know I would've resented myself if I didn't help you. I know it's three months later and you still don't seem to get this, but there was really no other choice for me to make. No choice I could've lived with myself for making anyway."

Iris frowned, wanting to believe him but at the same time history had always taught her differently. "You say that now, but if this comes back at you and you lose the life you've built for yourself...possibly go to jail..."

"Hey," Barry frowned as he gently stroked the side of her face. "I think I've done a pretty good job of sealing this whole thing up. The only ones besides you and me that know the truth are Mon-El and Kara. They wouldn't say anything. I thought you trusted me..."

Iris sighed as she blinked back tears. "Of course I trust you, Barry. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here. I just..." She sighed. "My own personal history has always taught me that any person who seemed really great or who seemed to want to be there for me...it never lasted long."

Barry softened as he looked at her sadly. "Iris, I'm sorry you've had really bad experiences but please don't put me in a box with all of the other people that have let you down." 

He gently brushed a tear out of her eye as he gently placed a kiss on her forehead, before pulling back to look into her eyes. "I'm promising you that I _won't_ let you down. You can trust me, Iris. I don't know how else I can prove that to you."

"I believe you." Iris softly said, moving closer to him so he could envelop her in his arms. "When you say it, I believe you."

Barry gently placed a kiss on the top of her head. "I'm not entirely sure that you do, but I can wait for that. You're worth everything, Iris and I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you, Barry." Iris moved to look up at him, needing him to know this. "I love you and it's not that I'm worried about what will happen to me. I was ready to go down for what I did when I told you the truth that day. I just don't want you, want anyone to pay for my mistakes. We've both been through so much, both separately and together. I need you to know that I love you for you, not because you have a job that gives you power to do things. I just love _you_."

"Iris," A tear rolled down Barry's face as gently held the side of her face. "I don't really have words for how much that means to me. I love you so much. I'm with you because you're amazing. There really isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."

"Barry," Iris whispers softly as she pulls his face close to hers. "I want to be with you. I still don't know how much I can give you but---"

Barry gently but tenderly kissed her lips before pulling back to look into her tearful unsure eyes. "You don't have to give me anything but you, baby. I want to be with you, Iris. I want to be with you in whatever capacity you'll have me."

Iris tearfully pulled him close to her again. "I just want you to kiss me."

Like before, as soon as the words were out Barry's lips crashed onto Iris's tenderly and passionately.


End file.
